Not sure about new relationship - but don't know if it's me

[Passthedamnhamplease]

I'm in a relatively new relationship - 6 months. We met at a wedding and he's a lovely chap. Doesn't make demands on me really and is happy to fit into my life (I have 22 month old dd), but we are into similar things so often comes up with good ideas for things to do (though am ratcheting up an expensive babysitting bill, which has been a bit stressful). Sex has always been good, and he is really good with dd who obviously really likes him. So why do I feel so unsure of it all? I think it's me - I am lucky in that I work 3.5 days a week but work is quite stressful and I often have work and conference calls to do into the evenings, plus I am trying to start a new business. I definitely feel like I have a lot on my plate at the moment.
I did think it had clicked a month ago - he said he loved me and I thought I felt it back. Now I just feel a bit panicky and I don't think I feel that anymore.

I guess I am going to get a talking to about not leading him on, and I certainly don't want to do that - I just feel a bit all over the place with it and in the last week, quite strongly like he's not the guy for me. He doesn't hugely make me laugh. We get on really well and we laugh together but I don't find him funny - when he tries to be funny I cringe a bit actually. But does this really matter?

For context I was single for 5 years before this and very independent. DD's dad is an ex and he hasn't ever been involved through his own choice. However I would like to think at some point I would have a proper family and maybe that I have more children at some point. However I think I would need to change for that to happen.

Does anyone have any advice? Tricky I know as that's so rambly.

Do you find it easy to talk to him?

Six months is time enough for the initial excitement of new romance (and wall to wall sex) to subside, start getting to know someone and decide if you want to take it further or not. If you're cringing at his jokes already that's probably a sign that the magic has worn off. Don't think you should base any long term relationship plans on you changing.... You stay just as lovely as you are and find someone who doesn't make you cringe :)

But you and your DD are a proper family.
You don't have to have a father figure to bring up a lovely, well rounded child.
You are more than capable.
If it doesn't feel right then you know what you need to do.

Ask almost any woman you know what is the most important thing in a partner? Answer is laughter. They need to be able to make you laugh.
If his attempts to make you laugh actually make you cringe then that's not good.

You don't need any specific reason to end a relationship.

If you don't think it's working then just end it.
'Sorry, this isn't working for me anymore' Done!

Hmm thats a difficult one. At this point in the relationship i would have thought that you would be in the depths of the honeymoon period. So the fact that you are having doubts now i would see as a bad sign.
I have been there and done that and stayed with someone as they were a nice guy, but he just wasnt the one for me and i eventually split up with him after another year or so as i just ended up resenting petty little things about him. I do regret that.

It sounds to me that you are more than happy to be on your own and i think you know deep down that he isn't the right one for you.

For the record, my DP isn't funny when he tries to be and i do really cringe when he does it, but i find it funny as i love him for it. When hes not trying, he is funny which sounds similar to your situation, but my previous partner was similar and it just really grated on my nerves as i think i felt completely different to him.

Hope this makes sense, it does in my head!

Cailindana yes very easy to talk to. Actually from the beginning I just felt really comfortable with him - definitely no game playing.

I was afraid someone would say that Cogito!

Thanks themonster - that does make sense.

hellsbellsmelons - yes, I know we are. I wouldn't have a second child if I wasn't in a proper relationship that I thought was going to last and last though. And I'd like to think I might have another child. But if not, so be it. i am very lucky to have dd.

Hell, I've dumped guys for far lesser offences than being cringeable :) Sometimes I just get bored with them...

My DP is also one of those who tries to be funny but is only funny when it's unintentional!

I think this could be just a case of moving in to a differnt phase of the relationship. You've invested for a bit, now it just needs to see in to a more proportionate space in your life.

Yes, he is like that thisisnow i think.

I am definitely feeling quite overwhelmed with stuff at the moment and it feels like he is another thing to have to think about on top of DD, work, finances, new business etc. Plus trying to have a social life.

I suppose I don't want to throw something really good away because I am stressed or because I am expecting too much. I have always gone for alpha types before and he isn't that, but he has loads of really good qualities the alpha types didn't - totally dependable and a really decent guy.

And cogito so have i!! But I suppose I am trying to make more effort now to see past the little things...

Hi Vivacia - do you think then that things could work out on the basis of what I've written. i know it's impossible to say for sure!

"I suppose I don't want to throw something really good away because I am stressed or because I am expecting too much"

FWIW when I'm in a good relationship, I find it alleviates work stress rather than being another thing to think about, as you put it. Is he a bit too keen with the good ideas of things to do? Not considerate about the babysitting bill? Is he monopolising your free time more than you'd like? Dependable and decent doesn't necessarily mean great partner material.

true - and the babysitter bill isn't something he has ever mentioned. Last week we went to this rooftop cinema thing in east london and it was nice, but ended up costing £40 with babysitting and I just felt a bit sick - fine if it's something special, but the reality of being a single parent who does 100% yourself is that spending £50 on a random wednesday night out just isn't an option.

Hmm - not looking good.

do you think then that things could work out on the basis of what I've written

Yes, I do. I think life gets a bit messy and doesn't always run smoothly. I guess the telling bit will how he reacts when you explain some of this stuff. In the past my boyfriends have just accepted it and offered understanding and practical support.

I certainly wouldn't accuse you of "leading him on" as how on earth are you supposed to know if a relationship will work out without trying?

Not every relationship is meant to be long term and there is nothing wrong with that and nothing to feel sorry about.

If it has simply run it's course then you wish him well and say goodbye. Kinder to do that and let him find someone who doesn't find his attempts at being funny to be "cringey" and you will both end up happier.

From what you have posted, maybe you would just be happier on your own right now? I know I am