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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just need some opinions on trust

7 replies

anon764 · 15/07/2014 20:39

Hi all

Very breifly. Been with bf 4.5 years, we separated in jan for a few months after I couldn't cope with the rows and lack of communication but decided to give it another try in April. During the break I did a bit of soul searching and had councelling etc. I realised a lot of what I needed to change and became a lot happier. He on the other hand joined a dating site instantly and began dating. I instigated the break up so I guess he was hurt and felt rejected.

Things have been going ok between us until the past weekend. I went away with a friend to Spain for a short break. My daughter has cerebral palsy so I really needed some down time. He seemed a bit miffed about the weekend away.

While I was there I txt him and called him a few times one day but he didn't respond. I felt a bit ignored so txt to say I've tried to contact him etc. he then at 1am sends a message to say he hadn't seen his phone and had been busy at a meal with friends and replying at the table would be rude etc. this is quite common for him to ignore me and he knows I hate it. The next day I thought id chill and would speak to him in the evening as I wanted him to see how annoyed I was also (maybe childish) he sent a few txts and I didn't reply until the evening. He then accuses me of cheating (he's never accused me before)

I explained I was sick of being ignored but he has carried on for 2 days accusing me.

I'm so frustrated and can't understand why he all of a sudden doesn't trust me. He also can't see that his mistrust is a problem. We argued via txt for the rest of the holiday basically going round in circles, he said I can never admit my wrong doings and he's bound to be suspicious with what I did.

I don't see this working. The communication is awful and I try to put what I learnt in counselling into practice but it's so hard.

He always manages to make me doubt myself and start to blame myself instead. I just don't know what to do.

Any advice or opinions on the trust thing, sorry for banging on also xx

OP posts:
tigermoll · 15/07/2014 21:25

You can't MAKE someone trust you. If he is determined to make issues (and TBH, it sounds a bit like you both are) around texting each other and then ignoring the texts, there is nothing you can say or do to PROVE that he ought to trust you.

During your time apart, you went away, worked on your issues, and he didn't. You can;t fix this relationship by yourself. Perhaps it's time to call it a day?

Cabrinha · 15/07/2014 21:28

Why bother? Why are you even asking about the trust thing?

You don't like each other. You dumped him. Getting back together should make you realize you did the right thing.
It's not working. End it for good this time.

Who wants a relationship where one day they're stressing about their boyfriend not replying to them, and literally the next they're playing silly games back?

You're barking up the wrong tree giving headspace to the cheating comment. Just give it up.

scottishmummy · 15/07/2014 21:38

You habitually argue,yiu split up,got back,still argue.its a doozey
Let him go,he'll date again.so will you. Be adult and call it quits
He's still banging on about things,you feel bad,its a broken relationship

Tinks42 · 15/07/2014 21:59

As the people above said. It's not worth the bother really is it? End it and move on (put into practice what you gained from your councilling).

Tinks42 · 15/07/2014 22:03

---- counselling of course Smile not sure what the council had to do with that particular problem.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/07/2014 06:09

I think you're wasting your time quite honestly. Dump the guy, go strict 'no contact' and make a massive effort to fill your life with more interesting, rewarding and fun things. It's very easy to get lonely when you are a lone parent and, when you're lonely, almost anything looks better than being on your own. But this guy is a wall-to-wall head-fuck.... has nothing to do with mistrust whatsoever.... he's not bringing anything positive to your life.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 16/07/2014 13:12

Way to go to spoil your holiday. Not really the get-away-from-daily-cares vacation you needed.

You sound really clued up,
I don't see this working. The communication is awful and I try to put what I learnt in counselling into practice but it's so hard.
He always manages to make me doubt myself and start to blame myself instead.

Honestly, you are on the right track, just not with this man.

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