People who desperately try and expose faults or mistakes and embarass you...familiar anyone?

[BillyBobbed]

I have family like this. For example anything you say is analysed and then any mistake you make is then used against you later on. And it's usually brought out in front of people to make you look stupid and feel embarassed. But then the person retracts everything by saying 'I was just saying!' Or 'but it's true!'.

Why the need to do this to people though? Surely it's better to cover faults and mistakes rather than actively seeking to make a person look stupid? Sorry if nobody has a clue what I'm on about, I just needed a rant.

they sound like wankers to me, I'd hate it. Sympathy

There's a concept known as 'predatory self-esteem' which is to derive a feeling of superiority from the discomfort of others. Usually employed by inadequate types who have nothing really going for themselves. But 'bullying' sort of covers it.

I just opened this thread to see if you had made any spelling mistakes I could pick you up on - nada - I'll just slink off now, without my little ego boost

Predatory self esteem is a really significant term actually, sums up what people seem to do to me rather regularly! Comments from mil about my weight dressed up as having a laugh and always bloody in front of people. Then other family members who seem to pick on every word I say. It's so baffling.

a member of my SILs family did this to her in the wedding speech - talking about how she could not spell and used strange phrases like mrs malaprop. Poor girl is dyslexic!!

In my experience, it's because that person has the need to appear superior and be the cleverest or funniest person in the situation. They can't stand the thought that somebody else might have some attention or that they have had experiences that they can't comment upon so they dedicate themselves to trampling other people down so they can feel good about themselves.

I have a family member like this too, making snide comments to make others look stupid and bringing up embarrassing events from the past in an attempt to keep people 'in their place'. Ridiculous, isn't it?

I honestly feel like I'm going mad sometimes and that I'm a strange person with no social skills. flipping hell.

Yes it is so ridiculous picnic it makes me feel at a total loss in myself
nigellasdealer your poor sis in law that's just so snide and nasty

If you're being bullied, call them out. Every. Single. Time. Don't be baffled but stand up for yourself. 'I might be fat but you're ugly. At least I could lose weight ... '

It's not having a laugh when you're the one being picked on. You tell them straight.

OP, it's good that you have recognised what is going on. You are NOT a strange person, it is the other people who are acting like bullies. You will get great support here on MN (have you looked at the Stately Homes thread?) and people with more experience than me will, I am sure, be along to help you deal with these situations. There are lots of tactics you can use, ranging from challenging them every time they are horrible to going completely no-contact.

Really appreciate the support that I'm not crazy and it's actually happening. Going to try the assertive approach

Yes, my Sil and mother do this.

I've stopped giving them ammunition now, but simply not speaking to them.

Families can sometimes fall into this way of relating to each other. It can start as quite fond and playful but then descend into bullying quite fast. My family used to do it in a mild sort of way - things like "Ooh aren't you great, with your big job," etc until I started saying things like "Yes, he/she is great, we're so proud of them." It gives the non-horrible people permission to be positive and to break out of the "fun ribbing" way of relating and makes the negative person look a bit of an idiot.
Genuine nastiness, just ignore.

not but... by!

Sorry, please feel free to take the piss out my appalling posting!

Had a female friend once who was like this. One day we had quite a mild disagreement about something and she sent me a message criticising and analysing my behaviour in a sort of fake psychological way. I didn't like her very much, knew what she was at (as described in your OP) and told her to feck off and stay fecked off.

My ex did history at degree level. I never had an interest in it. He used to ask me history trivia and if I couldn't answer he would laugh and ask if I even went to school. I actually stayed with him for over 2 and a half years. Wouldn't put up with it now though

But only a seriously nasty person gets off on embarassing others? It's so odd. I would feel ashamed of myself if I deliberately tried to belittle someone like that.

Some people are simply cruel and enjoy the discomfort of others. It's an unappealing thought, but they exist. The mistake is to assume that they are only that way because they don't understand they are being hurtful. Or that you're oversensitive. Or that they have a forthright speak-as-you-find personality and any hurt caused is accidental.

I find a well placed ODFOD does the trick... :)

" I would feel ashamed of myself if I deliberately tried to belittle someone like that."
But that's because you are a NORMAL person, BilliBobbed. As Cogito has pointed out, they know damned fine what they are doing, so call them on it every time. They are trying to humiliate you in front of people, so best response is to not feel humiliated and to call their behaviour to the attention of the assembled company. Humiliate them. An eye roll, a head tilt, drawl "Really? You think that's an appropriate thing to say here?" in a half-piying, half-sarcastic tone. And if they claim it was just a joke, explain slowly as if to a half-wit that to be a joke, it has to be fun-ny. Have some fun with it . Because you really don't have to consider their feelings.

Watching with interest.

But only a seriously nasty person gets off on embarrassing others? It's so odd. I would feel ashamed of myself if I deliberately tried to belittle someone like that.

This is true, and any normal person would feel the same. That should tell us everything we need to know about the kind of person who does this.

yeah bigtime, I work (alone) with a guy like this. he went into 'feeling indequate' overdrive when I turned up and now just spends the whole day picking me up on everything I say, contradicting himself and common sense JUST so that whatever I say will be wrong.

Sadly it's backfiring, because every time he does it I just heap more pity on whatever it is that makes him feel so small and inadequate that he has to do this.