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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Yet another work based crush thread..

3 replies

confusedandstrssed · 15/07/2014 10:37

Ok so I have name changed for this as a few people here know me in RL, I have also written this down about 10 times and it gets so long and goes round in circles, in fact not sure what i'm hoping to gain by posting this but just need to get it out there and for someone to tell me to get a grip.

In brief, a few months I was transferred to another department at work, my new manager and I got on really well, both single woman with kids and loads in common, I have never thought about a woman in a romantic way before, but one day realised I had a massive crush on her, decided to ignore it, put it down to new friends things and wanting to spend time with her.

Fast forward to now, we are texting and calling every day even when we are not working, she is all I can think about. Then last week at a works night out she tells me she is gay and knows that I like her (clearly I didn't hide that well) but she does not feel the same and just wants to be friends. fair enough, her choice and im not even sure how I feel about her, i told her I thought it was just a crush I had on her and we could be friends, so all good.

But now the whole thing is driving me mad, she phones me all the time when we are not at together , tells me she loves me as a friend, Im very special to her, phones and asks me what I think our relationship is about, yesterday she read me back a text a sent her two months ago and asked what it meant, today she told me shes not really gay. I have backed off a bit as its doing my head in as she is all I think about, but she wont leave me alone, she is now leaving to go back to my original department and wants me to go with her, I actually think she might like me in the same way she likes me she wont admit it, so as I said at the start i'm not sure what the point of this post is, I would like to have a relationship with her,(I think?) I have no idea what is going on in her head and she wont seem to give me a straight answer, I think the best thing is that I stay where I am and see if distance makes thing clearer, I feel like a bloody teenager writing this.

If anyone has got to the end of this drivel thank you, so shall I stay or shall I go back, going back would be easier for me as reduced hours, but We would have to work together even more closely than we do now and it would just be the two off us in one office which might drive me mad im sure im over thinking everything I just dont know anymore.

OP posts:
FirstlyANameChange · 15/07/2014 10:50

I'm not an expert on this but didn't want to read and run.
I wouldn't move back into an office with her, you would have no space at all, and either you will end up in a relationship with her (and will need space) or it will blow over and you'll drift apart and will want space.
I did once have a very brief thing with a woman I worked with, I'm not gay but I believe in the that sliding scale thing of sexuality, that sometimes you can just meet someone you're very very attracted to no matter the sex of the person. However it was an utter disaster (she seemed to want to own me, and would never give me any space, and also told everyone we were together which was not something I was comfortable with) and I would never get involved with someone I work closely with again!
Say you're cutting down on contact for a while (are busy/ seeing someone/ decorating the house -whatever) and don't reply regularly to texts/ calls. You sound like you need to think things through before making the work decision.

I hope you get some head space and it works out alright for you.

winkywinkola · 15/07/2014 12:09

She sounds like a real game player. She's totally stringing you along.

If you got involved with her, it would be a total disaster in terms of a relationship but also in terms of your job.

Your crush will pass. I wouldn't take anything she says seriously unless its to do with work and only work.

I would not allow her any part of your personal life. She sounds dangerous.

LittleMissRayofHope · 15/07/2014 12:38

As winky says - total game player. She clearly is find of you but as a friend nothing more. She also clearly loves the attention your giving her and is being cruel. Telling you contradicting story's 'am gay' 'am not gay'... Doesn't make sense.

Definitely do not move offices to stay close to her. You need space and time and you will probably find your crush disappears over time.
You sound like your filling every waking moment with her, you need to branch out and make less time for her and more time for other friends.

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