Really minor, but DH forgot our anniversary (again). Not upset..

[BasicFish]

I got fed up with reminding him every year, so this time I didn't. And nothing. Well, I did show him the date and said, "hey, look at that!" but he just looked blank and didn't get it.

Not that I wanted a present or even a card, but some kind of acknowledgement would have been cool. We've been married 5 years, so it's not exactly a major anniversary and I'm not really upset, but it's been a tough year for our relationship (as usual) so I just feel a bit empty.

I know it's really minor in the scheme of things.
Is anyone else's DH a serial forgetter, and do you care?

What is he doing now to celebrate it, though?

I'd be interested to know what he is planning to do to 'find a way' to remember next year.

Does he have a smartphone or an outlook calendar?

He can make an appointment that recurs every year.

Completely echo that you state he has forgotten year after year and regarding you 'micromanaging' everything... It's been 5 years... That is not long. How long were u together before marriage?

My point, which you have sidestepped twice - choosing to be insulted by instead of remotely considering - is instead of talking to him a month or so ago like grown ups and ensuring that he knew how you felt and therefore the effort could be made etc you decided to trick him, to teach him a lesson. No one in a marriage should be 'teaching' or 'showing' the other half things in such a childish manner. You set him up, and by default yourself, for a fall and that is not micromanaging someone. That is treating them like a small child.

ray I really think you're misunderstanding my posts. I'm not trying to trick him in any way. I'm not waiting for him to forget then screaming at him and insulting him. You said yourself it should be a joint thing yet you're still ranting on about what I should or shouldn't have done. . That's not joint. Or fair. Yes talking about it months ago would have been nice but he probably still would have forgotten, not because he's a terrible person and I'm setting him up, just because he's clearly not good at remembering. and it still would have been me initiating the effort. If I wanted a massive celebration I would have planned it myself. I just wanted a kiss and a hug.

also wonder where you got it from that I made him feel bad? We had a chat about it, laughed about it, he felt guilty because he wished he'd remembered, not because I was giving him a hard time! You're making a lot of assumptions that aren't accurate.

Guilt is not a good emotion. And, to a point, if he didn't feel bad about forgetting and upsetting you then maybe your problems run deeper.

If he can't even give you a kiss n a cuddle then maybe the issue is far far deeper. How do you propose do that he remembers in future?

How do you know he loves you OP? My DH is not very good at saying it, which was something I had to adjust to. He does show it in other ways, hugs, treating me kindly, doing little things for me, so I feel loved. It sounds like your DH does nothing, which is very sad.

My mum always told me

"Love is what you do, not what you say"

So although my husband does verbally express his love for me it's his actions of how he looks after our family and thinks of our happiness that shows he really cares

I need both verbal and demonstrative proof of love..... And I return it ....

I forgot mine this year

does that mean I don't love my dh?

Op wanted to see if dh would remember anniv date, he hasn't, op bit peeved that dh forgot. Not sure why dissecting op's motives and state of marriage are coming into it

Iforgot, looked sheepish when dh gave me card, went out and folded up some paper and made a crap gesture of card.

dh looked unsuprised

One year you are forgiven.

Five, I don't think I would.

If you're not getting so much as a kiss or a hug on your anniversary after just five years of married life, I think that's incredibly sad. I'm sure he manages to remember things that are important to him.... and you're just not one of those things.

I don't think not remembering your wedding anniversary is an issue at all. Neither my husband or I regularily remember ours and we have been happily married for ever. What is more of an issue is how you feel about it and whether you are having your needs met in this relationship. You say you told him and he said he is sorry. End of.

DH puts all of his Bradford City football fixtures in his calendar on his ipad, - we share calendars and have write access on each others so my other technique is to put every birthday in his family, plus mine and our anniversary in there as I put them in mine. I also put a reminder in his a week before! He says he would NEVER forget but I know him too well. Then SIL or MIL remind him.

We never make a big fuss about anniversary. Card and flowers or something of similar ilk is about it- sometimes we go out for a meal, sometimes not. It is next week, so we'll see