Question for domestic abuse sufferers/survivors. *possibly triggering thread, apologies*

[kinkyfuckery]

How do you feel about the ongoing domestic abuse storyline with Maxine and Patrick on Hollyoaks, if you've seen it?
Do you think it's realistic? Portrayed sensitively?

I haven't seen the Hollyoaks version but whenever I have seen DV portrayed on the media the perpetrator is a monster and is uniformly disliked.....the truth on the other hand is that the abuser will usually be charming, lovely, respectable, and the abused will be trapped by her (or his) own belief that 1) this can't be happening to them and 2) even if it is no-one will believe them anyway because X is such a wonderful scout master/doctor/friend/sportsman/pillar of the community etc.

Also media representation of DV often focusses on the physical violence rather than the mind games and emotional/psychological manipulation that goes with it (or that occurs without it). My own experience suggests that it is these scars that take the longest to heal...long after the bruises and bones .

I haven't watched it so probably not all that helpful, but I rarely find TV/film portrayal of DV realistic.

Agree with the pp that abusers are portrayed as monsters and usually the women weak and timid.

I also find that the violence is always very in your face.

My ex was very clever about the violence he used to used, he'd never really hit me outright, he'd bite me, pinch me, squeeze me, strangle me, hold me down or pull me around by my hair, throw drinks over me, turn on me during intimacy suddenly trying to force his whole hand inside me, he'd name call, break my things, hide my clothes, all things that no one else could see, not easy to cover a black eye and people ask questions, but easy to cover a bite mark on your arm. And of course then he could say 'I'm not a woman beater, I've never hit you'.

How can you be abused by somebody who's never punched you in the face? The abusers in the soaps don't bite you until they drawer blood so how can it be abuse?

My ex was so charming and likeable in public that my own mother refused to believe me when I told her what he'd done.

In the factual drama "killed by my boyfriend" she couldn't walk away even though everyone knew what he was like and wanted to support her....how hard to walk away when your nearest and dearest can't see that it is anything more than "relationship trouble" or worse that you/i are being unreasonable and difficult!

Frozen did a better job of portraying the hidden monster (manipulative, lying, cruel prince Hans) than adult drama!

There's a good storyline in The Archers at the moment. The vulnerable and trusting Helen is being manipulated by the not-as-nice-as-he-seems Rob. Some of the other characters cottoned onto him straight away but - as in real life - everyone's trying to make allowances for her sake and not interfere in her relationship.

It being The Archers, they can work the gradual ramping up of the emotional abuse/deception process in 'real time' as it were rather than knock it out from start to finish in a few episodes. It's an interesting study.

I have not seen Hollyoaks recently, however, I agree wholeheartedly with fool