Guys who like you but who you don't like back... In that way.

[superstarheartbreaker]

I have a good friend who has always liked me but I just don't fancy him. Every summer he gets on my case again and now we are going for coffee this week. As far as I'm concerned it's a friendly chat but I'm concerned that maybe he will get the wrong end of the stick... Again.
I wouldn't mind so much but he has my issues (again, I don't mind as I do too) but last year he had a break down and made his affections very clear to all on Facebook by posting a very public message. This hasn't happened since.
He always makes the first move for coffee, never me and because I like him (as a mate) I agree but after the Facebook debacle I've been feeling a bit uneasy.

Should I meet with him?

I wouldn't personally. If it's clear he's interested in you romantically and you definitely aren't interested it's never going to end well. If he's emotionally fragile it seems cruel to give him any false hope.

I agree...think of the saying 'got to be cruel to be kind'

I would meet him. He's a friend and it has been a year. Give him a chance but be careful you don't give him the impression of anything but friendship.

I think the thing is, you can't be his friend. He needs a different friend. If he lines after you, them you being there for him hurts him.

Explain that and then keep a distance.

Been thro it a few times. Sometimes they then turn on you for not going with them. And then you think aha he truly was not my friend, even tho I was his.....

How long has he had this crush on you? Were you friends before it?

We were friends before. He was actually friends with my abusive arse of a boyfriend whom I was was with between the ages of 16 and 18. I met this friend when we were 18.
The fact that he is mates with my abusive ex put me off ( defended him slightly- I know sounds really bad but is borne from lack of understanding) plus the fact that I just don't fancy him. Other than that he is a decent guy but he has pissed me off in the past by stripping down to his boxers at a house party and trying to climb into bed with me! Firmly rebuffed.
In the past it was very hard not to hang out with him as he was a member of 'our gang' who all hung out together from about 21-25. We still have same mutual friends. Trouble is I really do like his company... As a mate. Why is it that the guys I don't fancy like me and vice versa? Why is it not enough to just to like someone as a mate? The attraction has never grown for me.

Sorry was with abusive ex from age 16-18.
Also he has close links with my family as my late mother was his career when he had my problems.

Sorry but he sounds like a complete nob.

Entitled, dogged, sexist, creepy and just all round vile.

Why on earth would you want to associate with someone like him.

Yuk.

Why sexist ask basil? I must admit, I am quite infuriated that he hasn't got the message after 17 YEARS!

He has fancied you for 17 years?! Has he never dated anyone else?

Sexist because he's simply not listening to you. You've told him over and over you're not interested and yet still he strips off and tries to get into your bed - what a fucking creep. No man who has any respect for women whatsoever, carries on like that.

And you were abused by a bloke and he sodding stands up for him? Fuck that. You don't need friends like that, you're entitled tor expect supportive friends who don't make excuses for your abuser.

Honestly, he's out of order. I think you may not realise just how wanky and out of order his ehaviour is.

No I dont like the attention at all. It makes me cringe. Every time he expresses desire for another womanni positively encourage it! I like the attention of his friendship if that is what you mean. I guess what I meant by standing up for my ex is that he wont say a bad word against him or join in my consternation whichIis fair enough.
I guess my shared history with him and our shared friendship circle prompts me to meet him once or twice a year.

Also, about 7 years ago I hung out with him a lot in the hope that some feelings might develop. ..they didnt!

You know it starts with coffee, so why would you think any differently this time?

If you like him as a friend then you obviously get on well, so he thinks you both click well. The only problem is that you don't fancy him. Have you tried seeing the situation from him point if view?

I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms, and I mean that your actions speak louder than words. If you meet him, it gives him hope.

From what you say you are not short on friends, so I would think about going NC on this one. Especially after the FB fiasco. Otherwise it seems like you are inadvertently leading him on.