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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ending it

13 replies

SuperFlyHigh · 14/07/2014 17:47

Don't want to go into details but want to end it with on/off relationship - he's keen to restart it, I'm not, there are a few problems that can't be fixed and 2 weeks on holiday really helped me think.

However he was going to come round tonight (put him off), wants to meet tomorrow etc.

Should/would I finish by email or not or is face to face better?

thanks

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 14/07/2014 17:51

Ring him.

JeanSeberg · 14/07/2014 17:53

Keep it short "I'm sorry but I've decided not to take this any further so no point meeting tomorrow. Best of luck for the future."

Job done.

Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 14/07/2014 17:57

Jean - that's a good one re ringing him, but am almost sure it'd go to voicemail, he has no landline and reception is awful at both our houses (tried convos on mobiles before). Voicemail to me is a bit rude. I wouldn't want that done to me.

I'm quite happy to email him though and either keep it short or not.

But should I go into details about why I want to end it? I'm only saying re the details as it would seem more fair rather than just end it. And also he seems very very keen to restart things with me?

OP posts:
Pat45 · 14/07/2014 17:57

Ring him this minute and tell him that your feelings have changed and you don't want to out with him anymore. Say you don't want to waste his time coming over tomorrow. Tell him that you enjoyed your time together (if you did) and that you wish him well. Keep the conversation as short as possible. It is a horrible thing to have to do. Post back and tell us you have done it and us MN can support you.

People generally assume that because one person choses to end a relationship that it is a breeze. It is really hard to hurt someone but it has to be done. Some people might think face to face is better but I don't. I think a text message to someone you actually liked is chicken though. Someone rang me once to end our relationship and I am glad to this day that they rang and didn't call over. Good luck!

Pat45 · 14/07/2014 17:59

If it goes to voicemail he will know why so don't beat yourself up over it. You can explain that you didn't want to text or email and tell him if he wants to ring you back to do so.

umbongoumbongo · 14/07/2014 18:00

Good luck! I shall be watching with interest!

Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 14/07/2014 18:02

Aaarghhh - this would happen the day I have travelled back on afternoon flight from France! Grin

will see how I feel later (maybe with a glass or 2 of Bordeaux!) and report back.

OP posts:
Pat45 · 14/07/2014 18:42

Why have you decided to end it? I hope you don't mind me asking, I am just curious. Is there any chance that you are not sure that you are doing the right thing?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/07/2014 18:45

Don't give reasons unless you're completely pushed for them or he won't take no for an answer. No-one really wants to hear all their faults laid out and some even take it as a challenge to prove they don't have those faults Confused. Keep it in the 'it wasn't working for me' territory ... least said, soonest mended.

Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 14/07/2014 19:26

Pat45 - I just realised when on holiday, talking to friends that it wasn't working and he wouldn't change. There are also at least 2 factors that I know I could resent him for and I wouldn't be happy longterm with him.

There is also an ex-factor.....

I am sure I am doing the right thing but I feel unkind ringing especially with a bad phone line and reception. If it was a good one I'd do it now... for sure.

Cogito - that's a good point. I could meet for a quick drink but say (and do it) I'm meeting a friend afterwards and just dash off. And you're right, the reasons are pointless to trot out.

OP posts:
Pat45 · 14/07/2014 20:32

Good luck, it's not a nice thing to have to do but its even worse to let someone believe they are in a relationship with a future. Let us know how you get on.

Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 14/07/2014 20:54

Pat45 - I know with me, I would try not to spell out his faults but there are 2 or 3 main problems (1 is to do with his ex-GF).

Trouble is, last time we met up he mentioned to me and agreed when we spoke about it re the ex-GF that she was taking the piss etc. (she sees him as a cash cow sometimes). I just feel that the amount of aggro that would rub off on me and the time it would come up again and not be resolved is not what I would want.

will keep you posted.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuperFlyHigh · 17/07/2014 19:08

I've ended it by text but he did similar or email.

he didn't remember half the stuff he'd said/did before to me.

we did meet up, sex etc but it seems like too much hard work.

OP posts:
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