Moving in with boyfriend

[littlemiss269]

Hi,

I'm going to be moving in with my boyfriend soon. I own a flat that I will rent out and he owns a house.
My query is what to do with the bills? He earns about £12,000 more than me but wants me to pay 50/50 for everything except the mortgage as we will be keeping them separate for now.
When I move in I will be bringing lots of store cupboard food and frozen meat etc with me as he never has anything in the cupboards or freezer, so I feel it will be fair if he buys the fresh food for a while as I don't want to pay for food twice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to pay for things like Sky as he only wants it for the sports (I'm not interested) but I will pay for the council tax, gas and electricty.
Should I pay 50/50 as he earns more than me?
He says that I should pay him for the bills because I will be receiving the rent but I still have bills such as mortgage, ground rent, estate agent fees, service charge and storage fees to pay for on top of what I pay him.
Also, will it make a difference if I am not on any utility bills? I know that you need a utility bill to buy a phone for example but if I just pay him money then my name will not be on any utility bill as the tenant that rents my flat will own the utility bills.
I don't want to be taken advantage of but I want it to be fair.
Please help.

Thanks.

Wow on the food!
If he likes a quick shower and you like a luxurious long bath, are you going to pay more gas / water?

I think even if he earns more, he shouldn't have to subsidize you. That's not always a popular view, but it's mine. But what he shouldn't do is increase your current outgoings at all, at least certainly not to his benefit.

I believe this saying: when money goes out of the door, love goes out of the window.

It's good to see you're planning to sort this all out first!

You are going to be worse off.

Yet he gets someone to share his bills, so he is hugely better off.

You will be PAYING to live with him, and running at a loss, even with a tenant.

That's not a good basis for a relationship. That way resentment creeps.

Resentment kills every relationship stone dead.

I wouldn't move in with him. If you're quibbling over groceries and who pays for Sky, then it will only get worse.

If you make him pay for Sky on the basis that you don't watch it, this means you will never ever be able to watch anything on sky without it being brought up as an issue.

I think 50-50 sounds fair enough on bills by the way and he should pay for extras and holidays given his larger income.

• why do you want to move in together?
• why does he want you to move into his place?

I think this doesn't sound good. The not having food in - I think he wants you to move in because he imagines his life will be more comfortable with a woman around (and he will have someone to contribute to the bills). But it sounds to me like he views you primarily as someone who should be bolstering his convenience and you sense this and are articulating only part of it - the money part - because it is the most easily quantified.
If you were madly in love and couldn't imagine life without seeing his lovely smile every morning, you wouldn't be thinking this way. It isn't like that. he is assuming that you will move into is place because that is his view of how he gets to exercise his patriarchal right to have his life made easier and more comfortable with a woman; you are sensing this and uneasy about it.

you don't have to move in at all, of course, ever. why do you want to?

If he wants sky let him pay for it....if you were to ask him to go 50/50 with a pair of shoes you wanted....would he? No because that is your personal choice to buy them.

If he wants sky let him pay for it, that's his choice.

As for the rest....its difficult. In my humble experience....and speaking for myself.....the first year of moving in together is fab but full of these type of dilemma's because your both trying to learn to live together. I have lived with three men and found for me that it worked if you both have your own accounts but also a joint bill paying account (not one with an overdraft or fandangled extras) you both put money in the account each pay day and the bills get paid.

If he wants Sky let him pay for it out of his own money. And the other bills Lec, gas get your name on them...saves you a load of hassle when you need to prove you live at the address. It takes a phone call by him to say please add name to account and jobs done.

Again my humble advice.....get all this sorted before you move in!!!!!!! Get a bottle of alcohol, box of tissues and lock yourselves in a room until an agreement is made where your both ok. This is one of those things that you can't go round.....its an obstacle that Im sure we all go through and the only way to sort it (for a peaceful home life for years to come) is to tackle it head on.....it may be uncomfortable, awkward....no other way.