Holiday with the Ex Husband

[ChickOnaMission]

Is this sensible? I split with my ex last summer, it was awful. Very messy, I had an affair, he was OLD while we were together. Lots of nastyiness followed and we split. It was my decision. He really wanted us to stay together.

Recently we have been getting on ok. We have 2 DC and have really made an effort to maintain some family activities. I'm still friendly with his family and have just got back from a family holiday with him, the kids and all his family. We all had a nice time, the kids especially enjoyed us being together. We all shared a room but separate beds. We had a great time, got drunk and shared our dating stories, had lovely family days on the beach and the kids loved it.

It's a big birthday for him next year and he wants us to all go away together for his birthday, stay in a nice hotel, 2 rooms, no strings. We've both been seeing other people and been very open about that with each other. Neither of us are actually in a relationship. He's just playing the field and I'm doing a FWB type thing with someone so other partners are not an issue. For now anyway...

It all just seems a bit too good to be true. Can we be close and friendly like this but not together. Will it confuse the kids?

Has anyone had this kind of relationship with their ex before?

It'll confuse the kids.

I agree it's confusing, but you have already been in a joint holiday and it seems to have gone well.
Why are you asking now?

I think if it can be consistent, really just as friends (no sleeping together again/drunken discussions about your old relationship), your current partners are both ok with it and there are no complicated emotional feelings left on either side/one party still in love with the other etc then I think it would be great! Unusual, but good for the kids to see their parents getting on so well and all spending time together after a break up. Not sure future partners will be too happy though!

Imagine you do have a partner next year. It would take a pretty robust and secure kind of chap to go on holiday with your ex. It would take someone even more robust and secure to be happy about you going on a holiday where you 'get drunk and share dating stories'.

You said originally that your ex wanted you back. Does it occur to you that he's playing the long game?

If it works for you why not? I have a friend who is with a new partner and still goes on family holidays with her EXH and their DC every year (he has remarried) I find it odd but it's really none of my business. I would rather walk the length of the UK on hot coals than go on holiday with my EXH.

Only if you don't shag

And you are so likely to shag

cogito No I don't think he's doing it so we'll get back together.
He has agreed that he knows we're over. And I know he's really enjoying seeing other women. And actually having a sex life again When I said got drunk and shared stories I mean more just had a giggle about the OLD 'game'

I know that I won't be in a relationship next year. I don't want one, it's too soon and I don't want to introduce anyone to the kids.

I do think there is more chance of him being in a relationship though and I have said to him what if you are and he's pretty adamant whoever he is with would have to be ok with it. I do know that is likely to be the biggest issue. But that's his problem really.

lweji This recent holiday was a party for a family members birthday. The rest of his family were there but this one would be just us, and for longer.

We definitely won't shag. I hated sex with him, there's NO chance of that happening.

They're 10 & 4

I have to say I would wonder why he wanted you to come.
Does he want someone to share the work load, or is he worried about spending time alone with the DC, or doesn't he want to look like the single parent on holiday?

I would make sure it was the right thing for the DC and for you too.

I'd say there's an element of sharing the workload but he's said that he wants the kids to have the family holiday.

He know's we're not getting back together but he wants us to still be a family.

We've had family days out for the kids birthdays, been to a few BBQ's with joint friends and it's been fine. We have some joint friends, other couples who we see together. The kids have fun and I get on ok with him. I feel like it would be fine.

I guess I was hoping that it's not that unusual and there are others who do have this kind of relationship with their ex.

It is unusual, but I wouldn't worry too much about that. Also, you can't really be 'a family' unless you are still together as a family unit all the time. You can co-parent and be good friends and enjoy spending special occasions/holidays etc with your children. Nothing wrong with that if you can make it work.

I would make sure it was somewhere like Centre Parcs where you can have a day at the spa while he does stuff with the children, somewhere to escape to if its not going as well as hoped.