Ex girlfriend problem

[chutmum]

Hi mums,i really need some advice.I just found my husbands e mail acc was open that he has been chatting his ex girlfriend.They split 13 years ago and she lives in Korea.They chat about how they thinking about each other and wanted to see in person in her next visit..(Last year she was in UK of course i didn't let him go)She is Korean almost 30 years and still single.My husband wrote to her about 2 son and his career how growing.So what should i do?Should i tell him that i know about this email or just pretend i didn't know.he said me they dont have contact at all except when she came UK only she let him know incase some help needed sad..one thing also that women suggested him app that they can chat free and easy...) I really don't want lose my husband.Please give me some advice..its really scary...

As long as they are not flirting, I personally wouldn't have a problem. I can't see why someone who is an ex since that long ago should be any more of a danger to your marriage than any other woman.

So, they split up when she was 16? How old was he? I would not see a childhood BF/GF thing as the same as an older relationship. i also wouldn't stop my DH seeing someone he regards as a friend. i have male friends. Why do you think it's dodgy (except for the hiding it, which is except since you banned him from seeing her, it's sort of understandable)?

If he has been telling her about his new life (wife/kids) it sounds like they are just chatting? If they were together when they were 16, I doubt it's much of an issue, they were a schoolyard couple not a cohabiting/married adult one.
Even the app - is it like BBM or whatsapp or something? Those things are quite common and a cheap way to message people.
If the content is innocent, I wouldn't be too worried. Is there anything concerning about the content itself (tone, phrases, ideas).

My DH knows several of his exes (as do I), the flame has long gone but if they see each other in the street they will have a chat and catch up with life. They split up in their late teens, teenage dating: they've all got their own lives now, nothing to worry about.

If you drive it to secrecy, it could even backfire - the secrecy might make it seem more flirtatious?

Why do you think you are going to lose your husband?

Has he ever given signs of being unfaithful? Are his messages to this woman flirty?

Or do you think you are feeling unreasonable fear?

I agree with MsTP that him hiding these conversations is not ok. But neither is you banning him from seeing her.

Sorry i was wrong about her age....they were live together 4 years in Canada..Last every 5 years she came and see each other except last year i didnt let him.I always said to him that i respect their old relationship bit dont hide.Bit he did. Also i never banned him to see her.

You didn't let him...

.. that is your biggest threat, not her. You may not have 'banned' him but you have set out your stall.

Mine used to have semi regular chats with the 'love of his life'. I would imagine if their paths ever crossed again he would love to spend some time catching up with her life.

Do I need to explain that? She was his 'first real love', they were about 14 and long split up by the time we met - I actually met her first. MIL used to 'joke' how unlike her I was!! But none of that would make me ask him not to see her, should he ever ask, which I like to think he would.

To be honest i know he loved her much.He told me first we mate .Of course he always say love me.He is very good caring husband and dad.We live together 7 years married 3 years he never shows me unfaithful.But i am afraid if he want ..forgive her and love her again..In her e mail she had lot to talk about past :(

thank you mums for your opinion and advice.After all this I think should not worry about them and let them meet...

No, you will withdraw your objection to them meeting

Remember, you do not need that control. He is a free man, a man you love and trust.

And he will love you the more for trusting him.