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Original poster

Bf using drugs

25 replies

Dexter2012 · 14/07/2014 01:36

Bf used to party hard in his yesteryear and would dabble in drugs. I understood this to have stopped before we met or so I thought. Anyway he's struggling with his mood at the moment (out of the blue)- then one day he started acting in a hyper manner (out of character) -I briefly managed to check his phone to discover texts indicating he has had some unclear if was just a one off. I intend to confront the situation but feel bit stuck- as I obtained the info from checking his phone without him knowing. Any ideas

OP posts:
LiberalLibertines · 14/07/2014 02:03

You could say... were you on drugs the other day? If he says no, just say...Ok, so you're using drugs AND lying about it, do you want to talk about it? Or are we going to split up because you can't tell me the truth?

LiberalLibertines · 14/07/2014 02:04

You only checked his phone because he was off his head, he had no moral ground.

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 14/07/2014 02:13

The text was back to June time but am on a hunch it wasn't a one off as to how depressed he's been more recently. Will tackle it tomorrow

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Original poster
Dexter2012 · 14/07/2014 02:14

Thanks for the advice:)

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KatyN · 14/07/2014 07:11

This might not help in the specific circumstances, but my dh used to 'party'!! I am the most cotton wooled ever and have never even smoked tobacco. We have a really clear rule that when I am around he can only smoke and that's not in the house.
He's just come back from a stag do.... Think he got it out of his system for a while!

Yours might need a release and if it's what he's used to doing to relax maybe give him some slack. If he's just using around the house to get through the day, that's a totally different story!

Kx

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 14/07/2014 08:47

Thanks K I too am in cotton wool about it all- I don't even smoke. At a guess I think he may be doing it on a weekly basis based on the way he's behaving. Some slack is definitely what he needs at the moment - deep down inside all I want to do is tear a strip off him for persistent lying and using money we just don't have for his hedonistic pleasure!!!! Grrrrr I just hate the dishonesty. It's making me question all sorts of things about him.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 14/07/2014 08:52

That kind of behaviour would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry, not what you wanted to hear.

magoria · 14/07/2014 09:01

It would be a deal breaker for me too.

Deceit and spending shared money you don't have. Are you going with out so he can take drugs?

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 14/07/2014 10:12

Sounds like it doesn't it though don't know the extent as to whether it was a one off or a regular thing.

OP posts:
Yambabe · 14/07/2014 10:21

"Drugs" Hmm

Covers an awful lot of substances that word. Can you be more specific? Which drugs do you think he might be using? How often? Where is he going to do them?

Mumof3xox · 14/07/2014 10:23

Do you know what drugs he uses?

Branleuse · 14/07/2014 10:24

which drugs?

Branleuse · 14/07/2014 10:25

an occasional spliff is much less of an issue than if hes mainlining smack

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 14/07/2014 10:29

The text was about a line of coke-

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Branleuse · 14/07/2014 10:34

its not good if hes hiding that from you and knows youre against it.

cokes one of those ones that can be really shit on relatuonships because of the mood swings, can bepretty bad for mental health even if its not often enough to affect physical health.

Im not overly judgy on people choosing to use stuff like that in their own time, but hiding it from you and being secretive is dodgy

Twinklestein · 14/07/2014 11:16

Dealbreaker for me too. Drugs + lies = over.

His low mood may be related to past drug use.

Either way, if his way of dealing with stress of feeling low is to take coke you have a big problem.

Twinklestein · 14/07/2014 11:17

^ or not of

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 14/07/2014 11:20

Thanks branleuse I have no idea about things like this just know he is on a pretty low ebb at the moment and is trying to deal with it. It's the betrayal that angers me the most.

OP posts:
chrome100 · 14/07/2014 14:53

He's an adult. I don't think you have the right to dictate whether he takes drugs or not. You can decide if it's a deal breaker or not, but it's his call if he wants to take them. The lying, I agree, is not good though.

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 16/07/2014 11:37

Not good he's pretty much detached from me the last few days hardly talking avoiding each other. His mood has been so low have been trying to give him space but we are due to go to away to friends wedding in just a few days wanted to have the conversation rather than the pretence. I started with I don't have the right to dictate what he does- but the lying and deceit is not ok. he's flipped the lid saying I had no right to go through his stuff and he will be moving out. Am a mess feeling like it's my fault handled things the way I did- have got 3 kids and debt can't see a way out at the moment.

OP posts:
LiberalLibertines · 16/07/2014 20:53

Oh love, sounds like you should let him go. He's attacking as a form of defence, chances are the situations much worse than you think.

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 16/07/2014 21:15

Feel numb ATM need to be strong for the kids being a single mum was not on my list of things to do. I feel like the joke is on me and want to go to sleep and pretend it's all gone away. How could I be so stupid the signs were obvious I just stuck my head in the sand believing what he told me.

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LiberalLibertines · 16/07/2014 21:32

Are they his kids? How long have you been together? He might just have had a run of it, and won't do it again, but....Well, it's doubtful considering his mood and his reaction to being caught.

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 16/07/2014 21:46

Yep his kids been together 7 years am doubtful too :(

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Original poster
Dexter2012 · 16/07/2014 23:57

Meant to say 2 kids sorry just realised typo.

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