feeling really depressed

[MissLoveHearts]

I feel totally overwhelmed and i need space from my kids. I am with them 24/7 and my son who is 1 next week still wakes 3 to 4 times a night. I am just so tired. We are also have alot of work done on our house so until that is done i cant sleep train as he is in with us.
I ask my husband to help and somehow i always end up looking after them and he is working. I ask my mum to help and she is always busy... she is never around. I dont know why people arent looking at me seeing me struggling and not caring. I am not a cryer and today im in floods of tears. I just feel like no one cares about my mental health

It's Sunday today so your DH is likely to not be 'working'. So don't ask him, simply announce that you're going out, he's looking after the kids for a while and then take yourself off with a blanket & a book, find somewhere to sit quietly and take the rest of the day to yourself. If it's a nice day, put the blanket out and get 40 winks. Turn off the phone or leave it behind. Don't tell anyone where you're going. Let everyone else flap about for a change.

Sometimes the only way you get people to 'care' is if you make a massive bloody nuisance of yourself and behave a lot more selfishly than they are used to. Good luck

Should add... make an appointment to see your GP on Monday morning.

His job is on call 24 7... he cant switch off because there are millions of pounds at stake and if he doesnt fix the problem the company would be in huge trouble.
I feel like i am going crazy

Can you book a babysitter? I have had to do this because like you my DH cannot take time off. I did it when I had flu and couldn't move and I've also done it just because I felt like it. It is school holidays and you may find a local teenager who will not cost too much.

Poor you, it's true that noone notices you're dropping unless you're actually bleeding out your eyes.

OP does your husband do anything for himself because I can't understand how someone can be working 24/7 and not be available to take care of their children for a couple of hours even if that meant he had to ask you to take over again if he got called out?

I guess what I meant was if he has time to watch TV/read a paper/go for a drink etc, he has time to look after them to give you a break.

So what if there are millions of pounds at stake? Is he the only employee? Is he not allowed to have a weekend? Get sick? A holiday? Of course he can look after the kids for a bit. Fuck the company.... your relationship is in trouble and you're having a crisis.

Fuck the company.. then fuck his job.... then fuck his wages.... then fuck the house that we can no longer pay for..... I mean c'mon
He is a high level worker in a company. No he cant just not work. Just because you cannot envisage it does not people are living their lives like this. Sorry but basic thinking cogito.

anotherfurry no he doesnt sit around reading papers etc.. if he did i would have dumped the baby on him long time ago :)

So he actually has no time off work at all? That's not a life.

If that is true, then he must be a high earner - as other's suggested, book yourself a nanny/babysitter in order to get some time for yourself.

Agree with the PP.... if he's so important he must be pulling down big numbers for sacrificing his whole life to his job so there has to be money for staff. If the choice was to spend the spare cash on home improvements instead, were you part of that decision?

He is pulling in big numbers...sorry cognito but you seem a rather bitter person looking for a problem that isnt there. Ive been coordinating the project for the house... we even staggered it over a year because it is so much going on.
Think I might do that... then I can get on with stuff.

I'm not bitter at all. You originally presenting as depressed, in floods of tears, chronically fatigued, having no help from your terribly important DH (even when you ask) or from your wider family with your children, and your original complaint was why do people see you struggling and yet not seem to care.... Now you have the energy to coordinate the work on the house.

I'm suggesting you take a more ballsy approach... put your needs first for a change... and I'm getting knocked back. OK, maybe you don't feel assertive enough to prioritise yourself in the way I'm suggesting, but what is it you actually want to happen now that isn't happening? How must the people around you show they care? If I'm looking for a problem that isn't there.... please articulate the real problem

I second getting paid help with childcare and an appointment with the GP. Sounds horrible. I hope things improve for you soon.

OP, Cogito gives some of the best advice anywhere on MN ( I don't know her before anyone screams clique!) and I think all posters are trying to be constructive.

I also think it is a bit ridiculous to claim your DH is so important he can't step up and parent his own DC once in a while. I am quite sure Barack Obama has/does but if that's really your opinion then let's go with that.

You are married to a man who has no spare time to help with family life, so yes, you are going to have to "buy it in."

Good luck.

Yes definitely get yourself some help. My DH has a great job and we have a nice life (and he's be no means dealing with millions of pounds). Even though he is home and generally helping by 6.30 pm and all weekend - plus he rarely these days has to take too many calls at my inconvenience!! we still recognise I work bloody hard at home all week looking after 3 children and I get time out as one of our priorities. My 13 mo DD goes to nursery one day a week and we have regular babysitting. My friends who have more money have much more regular help, i.e. twice weekly nanny or similar.

BTW if your DH really does work 24/7 you probably do need to sit down and figure out how you are going to manage that. My DH went through a phase like that and our marriage really suffered - he slightly changed jobs and luckily had a great mentor who helped him work out how to manage his work better so that he didn't need to do it anymore, it's really not sustainable especially with young kids. I remember having work done on our house at the time and sweetly avoiding all the questions from the builder, telling them to call DH and ask him while I went out with the DC. I simply couldn't concentrate on DC and buillding and thought - fuck you DH, if you are on the phone for work all the time you can take the builders calls too ;)

OP I am sorry you are struggling with this it sounds rough and clearly your husband has to bring home the bacon but I think its a little unfair to ask for help and then attack people who offer advice.

I don't think its bitter to suggest that your H could set aside a bit more of the time when he is not working to help take the load off you a bit.

I think "hired help" is the answer. You can find it, call, make arrangements. You don't need anyone else to "notice" you need help and wait for someone to save you. You can save yourself on this one.

One of my friends is a night nanny. This is a common thing for her to be hired for.