boyfriend anoys me

[tanya1010]

We have recently come through a rough period in our relationship. My boyfriend works away a lot. I stay at home combining my work with looking after our 3 teenage kids, all my boyfriends from his previous relationship. When he is at home sometimes it is as if myself and the kids hardly exist. His whole life revolves around his work. A while ago i gave him an ultimatum, that if he didnt spend more time at home with me and HIS kids i was leaving him. I foolishly acused him of having affairs when he was working away, and that was why he wasnt interested in me anymore. I know i was wrong to say that , as i had no proof and it was heat of the moment. He denied that and promised he still loved me. He said he would spend more time at home with us and change
He said he would prove he loved us and make it up to us all.
Now when he works away he brings us all little gifts back. I now frequently get flowers sent. However my gifts although sometimes nice things too, always includes new underwear. Some is really nice and pretty, but other times it is quite tacky. He always asks if i am wearing it when he phones. But the thing that really annoys me is the first thing he ever does when he gets home is give me a kiss, then lift my top and my skirt up, or undo my jeans to see if i am wearing my new underwear. He then takes me straight to bed if i am wearing it. Yes, the sex is great, better than ever before. But he is just now trying too hard to make it up to me, and i know what the ritual is as soon as he gets home. I know i should be flattered and enjoy this, which part of me does. But another part of me is getting pissed off with it ! Sometimes he even does it when the kids are around, which i find embarassing. I have told him how i feel, but he says it proves how much he loves me and misses me. Am i being unfair ?

I guess holeintheheart has extremely low expectations. She certainly has some very odd ideas about men.

They think differently. They benefit from specific instructions, they are known for not being intuitive. They cannot mind read.

Sounds more like dogs tbh.

Mmmm well that is what I think. I do think men are different from women. I do think you have to tell them whats up and not expect them to mind read. I don't think I have low expectations at all. I generally like men. If you stand around any large group of women and listen to them talking about men, it does feel as though they are discussing a different species.
The post says she has accused DP of having affairs and even after her unfair accusations he still tried to please her. I have re-read my response and I stand by it.

Thanks for everyones help and oppinions. I have contacted a few old friends and we are going to arrange a weeks holiday when we can. Must reply to holeinmyheart. I do love him and i do appreciate that men think different. I appreciate his feelings for me, and realise that he is showing me love and affection. It is just some of his actions and comments that frustrate and annoy me. Imagine if you were at home preparing tea, watching telly or whatever, and as soon as your DH arrived home, his first greeting whilst giving you a hug or kiss was to lift your skirt and top up to look at your knickers and bra, have a grope of your bum and boobs and talk about what underwear you were wearing. Often this would be done whilst a 14 year old boy and a 17 and 15 year old girls were present. I found it embarrassing and anoying, the girls i imagine also found it the same, and it was equally as bad for the kids as it was for me ! How would you feel about having your intimate body parts frequently exposed to your kids ? Our son is now at the inquisitive and experimenting age. He is very close to me and as he spends so much time alone with me, he wants to copy me in many ways. As i have my navel, nose and tongue pierced he wants the same done (another thread) at his inquisitive and experimental age it worries me that he might look at these actions as the norm and try to copy his dad on myself or his sisters , or even others. I believe there is a time and place for things and it annoys and embarasses me having my boyfriend constantly doing this to me. Hope this helps to make clear what i was getting angry and annoyed about. That was all.

Some of the people are acting as if taking children on is a chore, if you love a person with children, you accept s/he comes with children and you love them and treat them as your own.

You told him he ignores you and he is showing you his attention in his own way. He probably spoke to his friends an they advised him to buy flowers, underwear, etc.
He did and now now you have great sex, better connection, so in his mind it works.
You told him you want more and he seems to be making an effort to change.

He doesn't sound bad as some of the posters are making him out to be. Read the "Practical or romantic" thread, your partner sounds more like a practical boyfriend.

Euuch, his sexual behaviour turns my stomach OP. Groping you in front of the kids is revolting. And what kind of message does that send to his children? His son will copy his behaviour and his daughters will think that absuive sexuality is normal.

I think you're so desperate for the love of a family around you that you put up with a man treating you like a housekeeper cum prostitute.

Loving the kids is not a good reason to stay with the father.

Going by some of the comments i feel i need to explain a bit about myself and my boyfriend. He is a managing director of the company i work for. He took over from his dad, and will one day inherit the buisness. His previous wife was quite a bit older than him. She left him and run off to live abroad with the MD of another company. She left him with 3 very young children to bring up. He gave me my job working in the office when i was finding it very difficult to get work. I was the youngest in the office, at the time i was 19. It was quite obvious that none of the other girls liked him or his wife. They were both highflying buisness people. He was very confident and most would say arrogant. He was always making comments to all the girls, usually sexual or about how we looked or were dressed. Me being the youngest got most of the comments. I laughed it off and sometimes would flirt back with him. He was very good looking , had an aura about him, abd deep down i was secretly attracted to him. I had a difficult childhood and upbringing. I had been in trouble and had run away from home when quite young. I had got problems in my life that i had to sort out. I did sort things out but it was a long and difficult road and i had many pitfalls along the way. I had never before experienced this sort of attention off men, and i was very flattered by it. The other girls warned me to keep away, but his wife had already left him for a MD of a company in Zurich. I became a shoulder to cry on. He would give me lifts home after work, he took me out for meals and talked endlessly about his children. He used to show me photos of them. Eventually i was told to apply for, and given a promotion at work. Basically i became his PA. I spent most of my time away with him, and eventually became lovers. He introduced me to his kids and we got on fantastically. My life had become everything i used to dream of as a young girl. I was visiting places i always dreamed of, meeting many new people, i had a gorgeous and rich boyfriend, and the adorable kids and family i never thought i never could have. My job and the money allowed me to wear lovely designer clothes that i had only ever seen in magazines. I was in heaven. When his mum died, it made sense for me to work from home and look after the kids and another girl from the office took my place. Everything was perfect until recently. I am now 34 and i guess want him home with me more now. Ever since a young girl i have always had a high sex drive. However now with the kids getting older, i am now becoming embarassed and anoyed by his actions infront of the kids. I have tried to say there is a time and place for things and i am worried what sort of long term affect it could have on the kids. This is why i posted this thread

He sounds very sexist. Don't like the idea of him sexually harassing you and the other women at work.