Would you consider this fair?

[sammyjayneex]

Im so fed up today, really i am.

My husband (well thats what hes supposed to be) has gone out all day to the races with work mates and he will probably not be back till late tonight. I am in the house with the kids all day as i have a really sore back so it makes things twice as difficult. We have 4 children. He spent all last week driving his cousin to places as he came from abroad to visit so i was left with the kids all week whilst he did the things with his cousin, i cooked their tea, i put them to bed and i bathed them with a very painful back. He then went out clubbing with his cousin last Saturday and now hes gone out all day today knowing full well i have a very painful back. To be honest im really struggling with the children, i don't like to admit it as he sees that as a sign of weakness and will start telling me i should not have had kids ect. Im fed up that he has fun whilst im struggling with a bad back. I asked him to go go as i need a break as these kids are hard work but he refused and still went. I find it really difficult to keep my anger under control when he goes out because i resent the fact he still has his freedom and i am stuck with 4 kids. Yes you could say its my own fault for having kids with him but i didn't know he would turn out to be so selfish. He says im a moaning cow because i express my views to him on this and makes me feel like i cant object to it. I am a SAHM, he works but he does get his breaks more than i do.

Im being really snappy with the kids and i am easily stressed out by the kids, i have a short temper all the time now. I hate it. I shout at the kids a lot because they never listen to me but im expected to cope because 'im a mum'

Im so depressed, i feel guilty on kids because i can no longer cope with them. I do the same things day in day out with nothing to look forward to. Hes 9 years older than me...(im 26, hes 35) and he seems to think he knows best. He manipulates me when he wants to go out because he says 'They are in bed so you cant complain about me going out'

I feel like walking away from them all because i dont think im a good mum and i dont think i ever wil be with me feeling like this.

Assuming he returned at some point, today sounds like the perfect day for you to take some time out for yourself. If he was drinking all day he'll have a thick head and nothing sorts the men from the boys like looking after 4 DCs with a hangover....

Seriously. You need to find some courage & confront this behaviour directly rather than taking out your frustration on the DCs, yourself or here.

I agree. If he's physically in the house, and the DCs are old enough not to come to harm without 'awake' adult supervision (ie school age), tell them you're going out for a few hours but dad's in if they want anything. Leave a note on the table for him saying you're having your 'time out' and what time you'll be back - then go for a walk, sit in a cafe with a coffee, turn your phone to silent and let it ring out if he calls you to shout at you to come back because he has something 'important' to do. He doesn't consult you before he goes out, so it's only right that you have the same autonomy.

Yeah he makes you angry and you take it out on the kids.

It doesn't affect him though does it - he goes on his merry way whistling a happy tune as you are picking up all the pieces.

Win-win for him. Yay.

You have two options OP. You can change the way you respond to his behaviour or you can carry on doing what you're doing and change nothing.

Which do you want?

As an abused wife you have every right to be upset but only YOU can change the situation. It may not be too late.
Foot down tomorrow (not when he comes home having been drinking all day)
Tell him this is last chance (yes, yes, I know no warnings) you have to show ZERO tolerance from now on. Zero tolerance every day and every week for a long long time.
If he does not want to change then you have to decide wether to continue to be abused.
It is all in YOUR HANDS as he will not change unless you tell/make him. Why should he change he has it all.