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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Recommendation for book, domestic abuse?

4 replies

princesssparkle9985 · 12/07/2014 13:25

Hi, I will keep this brief because I can't really share the details. I'm a professional working with a (client) woman who is in a very abusive relationship. In about 15 years there have been two physical assaults but the level of emotional abuse is horrendous....an extremely controlling man, she is rarely alone for a minute, has been unable to work/socialise/ do anything because he is obsessed with her. She is not ready to leave him but realises it is abusive behaviour. She is staying with him for their children and of course that is misguided. Her emerging realisation and growing understanding that this environment will indeed impact on her children will allow her, in my opinion, to leave this relationship. Aside from all the safety planning, advice and support that I have given her I am wondering if there is a book that survivors of emotional abuse or such controlling behaviour have found helpful or insightful. My contact with this lady is short term and has to end soon because of limits to my service. I want to leave her with something that might be help her in her process. Of course I will be discussing safety with her re having something like that in her possession. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
WhyWhyWhyWhat · 12/07/2014 13:28

Bancroft this one is focussed on effects on domestic abuse on children. Has a chapter on what people around (ie you OP) can do to help.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/07/2014 13:40

I would point her to the Womens Aid website and their contact number 0808 2000 247. There is a lot of relevant information there plus they will be able to help her if she decides to leave. Of course, if you've had any information from her that the DCs are being subjected to the same abusive treatment, you'd be advised to contact the NSPCC or Child Protection.

WellWhoKnew · 12/07/2014 14:18

Lundy Bancroft is the bible of abuse books. It's called 'Why Does He Do That'. It very much takes the approach of 'it's not you, it's him'.

Describes the different kinds of abuse, different kinds of abusers.

The problem with Bancroft's book is that it's only available in paperback and not on Kindle, which makes it difficult to read in secret.

princesssparkle9985 · 12/07/2014 15:13

Thank you very much for that, I will look at the Bancroft stuff.

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