AAARGH crush on colleague, please help

[PollyCazaletWannabe]

I am female and have a female DP. Colleague is also female and has just split up with her husband. We are close friends and she confided in me this evening that she has been with a woman before. Since she said it I can't stop thinking about her :/ My DP and I have had quite a lot of problems and this colleague is just so lovely. Just needed someone to give me a quick slap and tell me I'm being a twat. Thanks!

I think I almost feel envious of colleague... She is starting again, free, still young. I am getting older, unhappy in relationship and anxious that I can't change my life. It's almost like I am obsessed with this colleague and wish I could be free too so that we could spend loads of time together.

Sorry, I am making myself sound like a twat but I am trying to work out what's going on in my head!

Well I understand if you can't or don't want to go in to things on here, but you might be surprised and get some really helpful advice....I know I have in the past

I think it sounds as though you've hit the nail on the head, regarding what your feelings really are for your colleague.

I understand about feelings getting mixed up, honestly. It's good that you recognise this, but you really need to start talking to your current DP.

Is this relationship really dead in the water?........

I think it sounds like you are unhappy with your life as it is and you have built a romantic fantasy based around your colleague to escape from reality.

Do you think that might be the case?

I don't even know! This is what I want from colleague. Apologies for sounding mad :(
I want to spend lots of time together. I want to tell her everything and for her to tell me everything. I want to cuddle and kiss (can't really visualise much more than that tbh). I want her to feel that she can confide in me. I want to look at her a lot. I want to make her laugh.

I sound like a nutter don't I :(

That sounds much like what everyone wants in a relationship. I reckon it might be more that you want a different relationship than the one you have, rather than you want her in particular.

I think you might be right sonjadog. Also about the romantic fantasy. I have to stop myself from talking to her and looking over at her all the time. Away from work I have the constant urge to message or call her and have to practically sit on my hands to avoid doing so.

DP and I have been together nearly 10 years. We don't really communicate well and are not very physically affectionate. I am a very physically affectionate person and find this hard- hence I think the urge to hug my colleague.

I am sounding like a real slimeball on this thread :(

Not a slimeball. You do sound like you need help though.

You're obviously craving some affection, but ask yourself, if your DP was more physically affectionate, would you want her to be?

If you're not careful, you'll be in a constant cycle of infatuation - relationship - unhappy relationship - another infatuation and so on and so on. You need to break this cycle. How did your current relationship begin?...if you don't mind me asking.

I have no idea if you and your DP could work on this, but you do. Deep down, you do.

I would consider going to your GP to talk to them about maybe being referred for CBT. Sounds like this kind of therapy could really benefit you.