Complete loss of sex drive

[gossipgirl81]

Hey ladies,

I was keen to see if there was anyone else in the same position. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and love him very much. I also still fancy him and find him attractive. We live together but we hardly ever have sex anymore, it's more like once a month. To me , it's just become another chore like emptying the dishwasher and I have no desire to do it at all. I hate feeling like this and I so wish I could get it back, I feel like some sort of non-sexual being and it's horrible.
I know it's not fair on my partner either. I'm 35, no kids but I work 40 hours a week and I'm always tired, I also take antidepressants, I did come off the antidepressants for a month, to see if it made a difference, but I still had no libido.
Doing it during the week never happens as I'm tired from work and have to get up early, even weekends are the same, as I've housework or errands to do and am tired from working all week, then before I know it, 5 weeks have gone past and we haven't done it.
I just don't feel like this is normal and I feel totally abnormal, it never used to be like this, we had a very health sex life for the 1st year but it has just dwindled to nothing. I know he would rather do it more but he doesn't want to pressure me.
How can I get it back? And has anyone else been in this position?
Thanks for any advice you can give as I've really lost hope.

I don't think you're abnormal I know I'm actually too knackered during the week from also working 40 hour week. My situation is slightly different though as I have been in the relationship for 9 years.

Does your OH do a lot to help around the house as it sounds like you have a lot on? If not have you tried weekends away to a spa or something relaxing? If not toys or trying to spice things up etc always helps

Thanks Thisisnow, we are actually going away to a spa hotel this week for a couple of nights, so hopefully that will help. Maybe it's just what happens in a long term live-in r/ship, I would love to get things back the way they were

Are you on the pill? It can completely kill libido IME.

If your feeling exhausted all the time have you had some bloods taken to rule out iron/vit D deficiency?

Agree about the pill. I didn't realise how different I felt until I came off it. Sex drive is much better.

was also going to ask if you were on the pill, It killed my sex drive also

How much domestic work does your partner do? One of the biggest libido-destroyers in heterosexual relationships is the man leaving all the domestic work to his partner. It's not a matter of 'trading' sex for housework, it's the fact that being treated like an inferior and a servant makes you go right off a man - it transforms sex into another chore you're expected to perform for his benefit, because you only exist in relation to him and his wishes take priority.

I would definitely look to the pill if you are on that. I'm a different woman in lots of ways sex being one of them for not being on it

40 hours a week is hardly burning the candle at both ends. If you've got chronic fatigue, have you had a physical check-up for things like anaemia or thyroid function?

Pay attention to your diet and exercise.

tbh sometimes you need to just start doing it to get back your groove.

Good sex should rejuvenate you and relieve stress not exhaust you.

40 hours a week with no kids to look after isn't a huge load........

Go to the doc's and get a full blood count. This will check for anaemia, thyroid issues. I was so tired I could barely walk upstairs. Turns out I was anaemic. I'm miles better now.
Another thing-do you exercise? What's your diet like?
I agree with what others say about the pill (personal opinion is I'm not in favour of hormonal contraception as I find it too disruptive).