NC for this as I feel pathetic for even writing it.
I have never been a socially confident person. I suspect most people I socialise with wouldn’t realize this – outwardly I’m quite confident and chatty, though a bit aloof at times (“aloof” affords me more self-respect than “needy hanger-on”). However inwardly is a different story – socialising is an effort, I feel shy and awkward, I feel like no-one is interested in talking to me, that I never know what to say to people.
Since having DC, I have made lots of effort to socialise with other parents at nursery/school because I want to set a good example for my DCs. So I smile, I approach people to chat rather than standing on the sidelines, I ask people about themselves/their DC rather than talking about myself, I try to initiate social activities rather than waiting for invitations. It is still something I have to make myself do, but I had thought that I was getting better at being “normally” sociable with other parents.
Yesterday I attended a very casual function at DC's school. Lots of parents milling around chatting in groups watching children’s activities. The parents of my DC's classmates are a nice group of people, everyone is pleasant and friendly, though there are some that I feel I get on with better than others.
I walked up to a group of several mothers that I consider I get on pretty well with and greeted them. One of them, Mum A, thanked me for something I had recommended to her on a previous occasion, and mentioned that she was having trouble finding other similar things. I started to tell her about something that I thought might fit her requirements. While I was talking Mum B walked up to the group to say something to Mum A, who turned to talk to her – and because they were talking I stopped in the middle of what I was saying. I waited until a lull in the conversation (a genuine lull, I didn’t interrupt them or barge in) and briefly finished off the information I had been giving Mum A. She listened, said something non-committal and then turned back to Mum B, apologized and continued talking to her. The apology felt like a snub - she didn’t actually say “sorry for that annoying interruption, now what more interesting things were we talking about?”, but that was the impression she gave.
I stayed and continued chat to Mum A and another mum, C., Mum A mentioned an issue her DC had been having at school. Mum C asked her about it, and Mum A answered her by whispering some of the details. They continued to whisper to each other, excluding me. Feeling snubbed again, I moved off to watch some of the children’s activities.
I know it all sounds trivial and it's not the end of the world and I'm being over-sensitive and I don't have to be bosom buddies with these people. But like it or not, this sort of thing knocks my confidence, particularly when it happens with someone I thought I got on well with.
(Reading this back, I sound about 12. But about 12 is how I feel in situations like this.)
I haven’t really written this to do a pathetic “poor me”, but to ask a genuine question – does this sort of thing happen to people who are socially confident too, but they’re sufficiently thick-skinned to ignore it or not care? Or would a socially confident person manage the situation differently so that incidents like these didn’t happen at all? Genuinely curious.