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Original poster

Should I feel upset about this?

15 replies

Aliums · 10/07/2014 21:48

New to MN but after lurking for a while feel ready to post! Please be gentle...!

Background - I work with my OH. We run a small business together. We do separate roles but often overlap and help each other out iyswim. Working relationship has been ok until recently, he seems to be getting more and more frustrated with me, finding faults in my work, picking up on little details etc. Client/customers don't necessarily know we are together (we are married but I kept my maiden name for work). I overheard him on the phone this morning telling someone "sorry about that...she (ie me) can be a bit useless I'm afraid". I felt really upset he would say that about me, especially to a client! I confronted him after the call and got really annoyed and said I was useless and that it was a client complaining that they hadn't got something they were waiting on. I tried to defend myself saying we had agreed a deadline but it was a difficult client who always moved the goalposts, but he wouldn't listen and started making another call... I'm starting to feel he just wants to run this business on his own. Am I silly to expect more support than this? I know this may sound silly but it's just an example of the kind of things that have been happening recently and I don't know how to tackle it. Thanks for reading if you got this far...

OP posts:
Original poster
Aliums · 10/07/2014 21:49

Sorry *he got really annoyed and said I was useless

OP posts:
PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 10/07/2014 22:07

He was really disrespectful and unprofessional to bad-mouth you to a customer. All the worse as he's not just your colleague but also your DH.

If he has an issue with your work he should be speaking to you about it in the same way that he would with anyone else.

My parents worked together and my dad was always very respectful of my mum's status as his business partner before being his wife. He would make sure to pass clients onto her, even when they insisted on dealing with him (sexist buggers that they were, some of them!).

I've also worked with my XH and we had our own very defined roles. When there were issues we would discuss them as we would have done with any member of staff, asking what we could do to prevent the same problems in the future, how we could put checks in place etc. If he'd ever said anything insulting about me to a customer I'd have been livid.

AnyFucker · 10/07/2014 22:11

Whether you are a couple or not, what he did was highly unprofessional and in another situation you could have made a successful complaint about it

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 10/07/2014 22:15

What AF said. Very unprofessional and disrespectful. I wouldn't be impressed if I was that client and I would be furious if a colleague treated me that way. This is complicated further by the fact that you are a couple and so such disrespect could spread to your home life too. You are right to be upset.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 10/07/2014 22:16

When you say it is an example of many similar things, do you mean in your professional relationship or personal (if indeed it is possible to separate the two)?

islingtongirl · 10/07/2014 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

islingtongirl · 10/07/2014 22:21

Sorry posted under my other name!

Squidstirfry · 10/07/2014 22:34

Is it 'his' business and u work for him, or did you both invest equally at start up? It sounds as though he is freezing you out. I'd find another job.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 10/07/2014 22:51

That's a dangerous precedent to set. My ex was also the money man, while I did the creative and customer service stuff. When we separated I had no idea about finances, either personal or business. I took on the business myself and have since found that it isn't that complicated, but while you are kept in the dark you are vulnerable, not just in the event of separation, but also if he is making decisions which affect you both.

Empower yourself by at least getting involved in the finances so that you understand what money is coming in and going out, even if he still deals with this most of the time. If he doesn't trust you enough to allow this then you need to have a serious think about how entwined your finances (& indeed your lives) are.

holeinmyheart · 11/07/2014 06:45

His behaviour is outrageous. I think it is a red flag and I think you should insist on seeing the books and absolutely refuse not to have a 50/50 salary. His behaviour towards you has changed. Sad as it is to say this but I would look for an OW. My cousin had the same thing happen to her, her Rat started distancing himself from her, she knew nothing about the finances. He left ( needed his space) eventually OW came out of the woodwork and she was left with very little. Be as stroppy as him!

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 11/07/2014 06:54

Ummm, no you are not being silly. He seems to be moving out of the partnership, emotionally and financially.

wallypops · 11/07/2014 06:54

If you can afford to I would try and get the books looked at by an outside accountant. Sounds dodgy to me, or he is planning something that is definitely not in your best interests.

Cabrinha · 11/07/2014 07:49

Another that thinks you're on the way to being dumped and shafted, sorry.
What a cock. Even if you were useless - and I'm sure you weren't - you would never say that about a colleague, it's damaging to your own business! You'd ku risk saying it if you were going to freeze them out I think.
Is it a jointly owned business, or did he give you the job?
There's no excuse for you not to understand the finances. Do you have an accountant already? If so, get the books and pay for them to take you through them. Don't ask him because he may lie, and he will certainly make you feel shit and patronise you.
But really - you MUST understand the finances of your own business.

kaykayblue · 11/07/2014 08:07

No he is being a complete dick.

Do you two actually have a business contract? If not I would suggest drawing one up pronto. Start putting your foot down. If you want to be more involved in the finances, then obviously you have to work it out beforehand - I am sure there will be free online courses or easy to understand advice online if you're a beginner to it. But you have every right to see what he is doing with the finances and where the money is going. If he tried to hide any of that from you I'd probably be looking at legal advice pronto.

And you're partner sounds like a fucking arrogant tosser. What he is saying amounts to "Oh don't worry your pretty little head". He is bad mouthing you to customers. In any sort of partnership that is absolutely unacceptable. Even if he had concerns over the quality of your work, they should be addressed directly to you.

You either have to force equality in the partnership by refusing to take no for an answer on issues like finances, etc (super concerning he wants to try and completely freeze you out of the finances), or find another job and tell him you refuse to work for a boss as patronising and condescending as him.

TweedleDi · 11/07/2014 08:36

Do not trust this man. He shows no respect for you and is excluding you from equal participation. You need to take 'an interest' in the accounts.

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