Insecure about his ex

[ClockworkAngel]

Hi, I'm a long-time lurker and this is my first post ever. I apologise in advance if this gets long and begins to sound pathetic.
I'm a single mum, have been single for around 18 months. My two most significant relationships were with abusive men. This is the reason why I left my child's Father. I am very insecure as a result of these relationships because they were both mentally and physically abusive. I'm trying my best to overcome this insecurity and low self-esteem as I am currently going for CBT.
This is where the problem lies. I have been seeing this lovely guy for about 2 months now. Taking it slow however I am in no doubt I am falling for him. I have never been in love before. He is 10years older than me so has obviously much more life experience and has been in love once with the Mother of his two children.
Despite breaking up with her 7 years ago, I have this awful feeling he still has feelings for her. This is understandable but it seems she is on his mind a lot. He had mentioned her quite a bit when we first started dating when he didn't need to, we wern't talking about ex's, just in general conversation. He even compared me to her indirectly one time. He told me what they got up to one Valentine's Day. I got how 'broke' he was when they broke up and how he's never felt that way about anyone else since. I know her name, her cravings during pregnancy, her natural hair colour, the colour she dyed it and even how she slept in bed for christ's sake!!! He's quite spiteful about her too. When I asked him if he was still pining for her he said no and that he really liked me and was 'starting from scratch this time' with me. I believed him at first and he agreed to stop talking of her but I can't shake this feeling.
Am I being paranoid and insecure over nothing? Do I need to drop it? Or have I got valid reasons to feel this way?
Aside from this, I have no doubt he likes me. We get along so well, we make each other laugh. I can be myself around him which I've always struggled to do in the past. I'm just terrified of things going tits up again and getting hurt. His ex is on a pedestal in my mind and I can't work out if it's me that's put her there or him!
Again I'm sorry if this is pathetic! Thankyou.

I think you do need to drop him - yes, maybe he does like you. But despite the pining or whatever he speaks very badly of her - and that is a huge red flag. Him mentioning her so much after 7 years is very excessive isn't it? I think you deserve better.

Yeah after 7 years is a lot. It hurts because I have got feelings for him but I think you're right.
Thanks for your advice.

To be fair, if he has only been in love once and it was with the mother of his children, of course he still has some link to her and is bound to compare his only other loving relationship.

Sakes ing badly of her may be because the split was acrimonious or it could be to try and make you feel that he doesn't still have positive feelings for her.

I think that if you are unsure whether it is his behaviour or yours causing the insecurity, I'd suggest getting some counselling and also talking to him about it. The way he deals with your feelings will tell you a lot about him.

Sakes ing = talking!

This reminds me of my ex. I knew so much about his ex it was ridiculous!! We broke up after a few months and they got back together shortly. (Didn't last though.)

Don't waste your time on this man.
He clearly has some unfinished business with his ex.

Trust you r instincts and don't fall for his charms.

Thank you all for your responses. It's helped a lot! I arranged to see him tomorrow in town and I am going to tell him how I feel and that I don't think it will work.
Like I said, a bit gutting because I really like him but I am fed up of bad relationships and I know I deserve so much better after it all.