Really bitter towards DH

[BudaBabe]

Feeling really bitter towards DH - as some of you know we never have sex - his chouce. He's not interested and/or can't. We have one DS (5) conceived through IVF. I am now 42. Started another cvcle of IVF on Friday and went for an ultrasound this morning to be told that only one follicle developed so not worth proceeding this time. Doc says that due to having 3 days of the stimulating hormone we should get a better result next month.

Obv I am disappointed. Although I was realistic about the changes of it working I didn't expect it to fail this early.

And I blame DH. I wanted to try again 4 years ago but he didn't. I almost left him over it at one point but we went for counselling and I stayed. Of course nothing changed really and then we moved countries so everything was put on hold anyway. Then every time I brought up the subject I got "the look". The one where it is patently obvious that he doesn't want the discussion. Finally in May I said this is it, it's happening. For various reasons we couldn;t do a cycle till now. The doctor kept reassuring me that although I am 42 my hormone levels were very good. Obv not.

So - here i am. 42 with one fab DS. No sex life. No affection unless I initiate it. And I always wanted more children. I feel he has robbed me of my best child-bearing years (not to mention my sexual peak!).

He phone a while ago to see how I am and is trying to be positive. I just want to kill him.

Other than all this he is a great Dad, makes me laugh (sometimes), cooks, shops etc.

I should have bloody left years ago.

Sorry for rant. Can't do in RL as too emotional right now. Should be off out at nice girly lunch now too.

Hi Budababe, at least your dh does chores without being asked! Mine does that on the rare occasion.

Where do you live now if you don't mind me asking? I bet you must miss Dublin? I've only been once for a weekend when pg with ds1 but loved the place, especially the people

It's good that you're talking to dh. One step at a time as they say. These problems we have don't develop overnight so take a while to solve. I don't know if you're impatient though like me? It takes a lot for me to not want to rush in and put stuff right (or try to)

Are the hormones still in your system? If so maybe once they're out you may feel differently? It must be gut wrenching though to have the yearning. I was feeling broody but it's passing, I think it's my age. Plus being so unhappy before made my mind go crazy. You read the thread where I was hating dh so much If you met him you'd wonder who the hell I was talking about!

Hi Ulysees

Feeling a bit better today. Booked flights home (I live in Budapest). Got hair cut and coloured - sociable as one friend was there as I arrived and another arrived as she left - hair turned out ok too!

DH tiptoeing around tonight. Feeling pissed off as he hasn't even tried to hug me. Can't remember last time he did.

Keeps trying to tell me that it will all be fine. Graciously said he basically feels it will happen. I asked was he disappointed with yestreday's outcome. He says yes but not surprised. I said that I am v. angry. I have made comprimises all the way and now am being proved right - I shoudl have forced the issue years ago. He replied that he knows I am angry and that he knows that is why I am going to Dublin. He commented that I can go "in the right frame of mind or the wrong frame of mind".

Left it at that - DS was around and as soon as he went to bed so did DH. I am SO sick of being the one to brings it all up and tries to talk.

Wow what's it like living in Budapest? It's good you have friends there though.

I hope you have a great time in Dublin, maybe try to chill and make the most of it?

Hope you don't think I'm being cheeky but is your dh ...ermmm...... a bit patronising? I may have read him wrong here but he sounds it? Is there an age gap at all? Think the remark about your frame of mind is a bit off IMO. He could be a bit more sensitive considering what you're going through. Forgive me if I'm way off track though hun.

Hi Ulysees - not sure if patronising is the right word but it's not far off the mark. He is 4 yrs older than me - I'm 42. He is fairly senior in his work and is used to talking "at" people and them not questioning him - whereas I DO question him! Have felt v. frustrated in the past when he tries to blind me with his logic.

No offence taken! And you are right - he could be more supportive!

Budapest is a nice place to live most of the time. I am lucky that I have a large group of v. supportive friends who know what I am going through.

Am planning major retail therapy in Dublin. Will hit him here it really hurts - his bank balance! Although to be fair - he nevers comments on what I spend. One saving grace!

Got to go get DS from school. x

Ahhh that would explain it then if dh is used to being boss....needs to know it's us women who rule!

Sounds like you'll have a blast in Dublin

My dh never moans about what I spend either which is a good thing. Not that I go mad really but he wouldn't mind. Helps that they have good jobs though.

bye for now xx

Buda

I have to go and do the school run, if I were you once you got to Dublin, I would make non-commital noises as to whether you were even coming back, I.e is it worth it, is this marriage worth fighting for ??

You know all the right noises for you and wrong for him, to use a very crude Dublin expression, "he needs a good kick up the hole".

Hi LGJ - his greatest fear is that I will one day go to Dublin and not come back.

I am paranoid about keeping our passports at home and if they have to go to office for anything (common when you live abroad) I nag till I get them bag. He once admitted that he thought I did this to be able to leave him.

Have almost left a couple of times. Once pre-DS (he wouldn't commit to having a child) and once post-DS (he wouldn't commit to trying for another child). We went for counselling. Agreed to try once we moved but then wasn't interested. And I must admit I let it go too.

Must go too. - Talk later.

Hi BB, you back yet?