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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

bit of a mess

31 replies

Hopefaith · 10/07/2014 15:42

Separated from husband for 6 months (second separation in 5 years – first for 2 years – 20 years together – all finances split – his grown up children) Then nearly 6 months of new intense relationship – both declared love for each other; felt she really understood me and really felt was the future; however my ex started to be back in contact and then told me he loved me when I asked for a divorce.
I have finished it with BF by text and spoke briefly with him on the phone when he rang. Didn’t tell her why. He wanted to meet to discuss I refused. He sent me a couple of texts asking me to talk. I refused and got cross. He messaged my friend asking her to help get me to talk – she ignored.
His teenage children with whom I had a good relationship text me, said they were really sad and questioned why I was doing it. I ignored. He came round a couple days later and knocked but I didn’t answer so he dropped a note through. I text him on the Monday and said was going back to my ex. He text back - no row just comments about being sure before I jumped given the problems of the past. Found out on the weds he had been to see my mum who he got on really well with– was furious – rang him and let rip. Called him some horrible names – didn’t give him any opportunity to talk. He text me asking me not to threaten him and explaining why he had done it. He asked me to leave him alone. I didn’t respond. Received email from his eldest son asking me to show him some respect by having a face to face conversation and saying it seems my ex just jealous. I ignored.
Now a week later BF has text me asking to meet to have the conversation he wanted me to have originally.

OP posts:
adaorarda · 10/07/2014 17:05

Do you really think you'll just sail back into ex dh's family? don't you think the boy will be used against you in the end, almost inevitably?

i'm sorry you're missing him, that's extremely sad and you have my utmost sympathy. realistically though do you really think it's going to work, that you're going to magically recreate the family and everything is going to be ok?

do you think your grandson is going to benefit from seeing you unhappy in a failed marriage, all because of him? don't you think that's a horrible thing to place on a small child's shoulders?

i know it's painful but think it through.

ThePinkOcelot · 10/07/2014 17:06

Personally I think you should have told your husband to do one and stayed with your bf! However you have treated him really shabbily and finished him via txt! Rather juvenile don't you think?!

You have tried and failed with your H. Move on!!

adaorarda · 10/07/2014 17:10

also why have you been so cruel to your bf? did he do something to upset you?

Hopefaith · 10/07/2014 17:15

No I dont think he did - it just all got on top of me. Maybe I have been so horrible to shove him away.. I dont know. He understands me more than anyone - maybe that scares me?He got on so well with my family - they felt like they had known him for years - friends too....

OP posts:
adaorarda · 10/07/2014 17:18

ok so you dumped him very cruelly and without explanation because he has been very nice to you, and that made you feel afraid.

Hopefaith · 10/07/2014 17:19

Its really tight knit here - husband and I same friends - no one will break contact - my mum cleans for his mum.. really small world. BF was new and refreshing but old world comes back up and reminds me of family I had.... BFs kids are great and really welcomed me - told BF upfront it scared me to be involved with someone elses kids when have been so badly treated by stepsons.

OP posts:
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