Deep down, not happy

[Mrsgrumble]

Dh works until 7 pm most nights. Normal enough.. He is good with DS but by that time (I finish at four), I have dinner cooked, washing and ironing done, grocery shop, cleaning. House is sparkling.

That's fine. At weekends he plans things for himself and rarely says 'we will have a day out'

He visits his parents, does his hobby, watches a match. I take baby to my parents but sometimes specifically book the hairdressers for 9am to get an hour to myself. His mother says 'dh thinks so much or you he rushes out the door at 6' of course he does. His dinner is ready!

Anyway he has a few days holiday and I asked him to do a day trip so he is tomorrow. I also booked a few days away in August. It's all gettin on my nerves. He woke st seem am and left to do DIY on his rented house, came home at lunch and I had dinner ready and up and left.

I think you are putting yourself under pressure to be the Parfect Wife and Mother. It is making you resentful. When you work long hours like your DH you really don't have much time to yourself to recharge your batteries. I had a stressful managerial job, large hse, 5 DC, etc and also wanted to be the best and I was also a bit of a control freak. I wish I had done less ironing etc and relaxed more. I made a mistake trying to be perfect as it ends up making you miserable. No one except me ever noticed dust or dirt or if I bought ready made pastry instead of made from scratch. Is your DH complaining about anything? I would try to do less and make everything as easy as possible for yourself or you are going to turn into a bitter resentful nag. Get him to make a sandwich he won't die.

You need to tell him how unhappy you are. If you have told him already you could ask him how to resolve these issues. If that doesn't work you might want to evaluate your relationship.

I didn't make dinner this evening. He didn't say anything. Nor did I. He just put on a pan of pasta and asked did I want some.

I do cut corners and batch cook etc. I am on holiday at the moment but I do have a busy job but have good hours.

It's not really the housework. I just feel he thinks of what he wants all the time.

Indeed it seems that way, teach him a lesson or two!!

You need to communicate how you feel to him, he doesn't seem to know. It sounds like you're stuck in a rut, you need to find the fun again.

Mmmm your DH doesn't sound too bad compared with some of the so and so's described on MN. I know that keeping a 'sparkling' house takes a great deal of effort. Personally I would not want on my gravestone, ' here lies HIMH who kept a perfect house but was miserable' I would rather have, ' Here lies a Woman that was fun' Your DS will be grateful that you laughed with him instead of being uptight.

He's definitely not bad compared to some. Just a bit spoilt by his mother and not overly experienced with women. He's not too bad. I've been told I try and keep things too perfect. I lived in a house that was always a tip growing up and school letter etc never up to date. Mother in bed all time.

I have to spell out everything. Days out etc, or it's all about his hobbies.

I am just so bored of it all.

Well parts of life are very boring. Once children arrive it changes everything as they are wholly dependent on you for their emotional well being, it means that your needs come second to theirs. That is hard. Your life doesn't seem too bad though. Perhaps you could work on trying to be happy. You can decide to look on the bright side. Any man who comes in at 7 pm to absolutely no food and says nothing, and then puts a pan of Pasta on the cooker himself and then offers you some, is pretty easy going. Are you bored with him or just bored with your life? Perhaps he should be on Mums net complaining and 'Somethingtosay' could write that he should teach you a lesson! ( I wasn't a fan of that advice) He does seems as though he will listen. Anyway you have a day out coming up and a holiday to look forward to, so perhaps the change will do you good.

Is it that he doesn't particularly express any real desire to be with you or ds? Be with you romantically - dinner, bowling, cinema, casino or learning something new together?

If so then suggest it?

Also force family days out onto the agenda. Tell him what's happening that day two days on advance. Tell him it's precious family time.

Some people just don't know how to be. A bit of guidance can help. Nobody is psychic.