Supporting friend

[poshme]

I'm visiting a lovely friend tomorrow who's staying in a refuge. (Not meeting her there as I don't know where it is for obvious reasons)
She has left her horrible abusive (D)H.

I'd like to take her things to show her how much I care for her.
Is there anyone who has been there who can tell me- what I can take?
I've made a CD of her fave music, and I'm going to take a meal for her for the evening.
She finds physical affection difficult, and I want to show her a big hug. IYSWIM

Any ideas? It's short notice for meeting her otherwise I'd have more time to think.

I've not been in her exact position, but when my relationship broke down with my son's father when I was 7 months pregnant, I moved back home. Whilst I was in hospital having him, my mother arranged for me to move into a home for unmarried mothers.

It was horrendous. I felt like the world was full of billions of people and not one single person gave a shit about me.

The point of me saying that is that if you go and spend time with her, that will be enough. If she's that beaten down, she might not be able to cope with displays of affection. I found it difficult on the rare occasions someone offered to make me a cup of tea because I felt so guilty that they didn't see how worthless and undeserving of their concern I was.

Obviously, you know her, but just being there, listening to her, sitting in silence with her, looking after any children so that she can have a bath, making her a cup of tea, hugging her, stroking her hair... just very simiple things will probably mean the world to her at the moment.

I have no experience to be of help but could you bake her a cake to take back to the refuge to share? Maybe sharing a little bit of your loveliness with her housemates will make her feel good.

I'd write her a letter to tell her how much of a good friend she was and that you'll always be there for her. I'd also write about his proud I was of her too. I'd give it to her before I left and ask her to read it once I had gone, I'd hope that she would re read it when she was feeling alone.

Another idea is taking her a book, a really good one. Reading a book provides a bit if escapism for an hour or so and something else to think about.

You sound like a lovely friend.

Thank you all.
Letter idea was great- I've just written one.
I'm going to take a cake, and lots of nibbly food as she keeps forgetting to eat.