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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Helping SIL

3 replies

angstridden2 · 09/07/2014 11:07

Wondered whether anyone had any advice on this one...my lovely SIL is 30; has always suffered from lack of confidence and low self esteem. Lots of different boyfriends over the years, none lasted long. Latest one was when she ventured into OD (huge step for her signifying big rise in confidence after professional therapy). Very happy relationship for several months, weekends spent together etc. then dumped with NC out of the blue.

She now won't try OD again and doesn't seem to be the sort of girl who attracts blokes in bars etc. (usually out with a group of friends of both sexes so a bit camouflaged if you see what I mean). Would love to see her with someone long term as I know the relationship made her much happier and I don't want her to be the only one left on her own in a few years. Other problem is that she has always house shared with various friends; because people of this age seem to have very unsettled lives she seems to have to move every year or so as groups break up and people go abroad, move in with partners etc. She can't afford to buy on her own in the city she lives in at present and really likes.

She has a good job but very busy so doesn't seem to want to commit to regular classes, hobbies etc. I know you can't make people do stuff, but it seems so sad and she is such a great girl (stunning when makes the effort, funny and kind). Our DB says it's up to her and I suppose he's right.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
ThirdPoliceman · 09/07/2014 11:33

Leave her be. If she wanted something badly enough, she would do something about it.
(She is lucky to have a SIL who cares about her though)

kaykayblue · 09/07/2014 11:47

Hi OP - It's obvious that you genuinely mean well here, so please don't take this badly - but there are few things more irritating for 30 year old women than having well meaning family and settled friends trying to set them up with someone! It sort of gives the impression that they couldn't possibly be happy on their own without a man, and are a sad lonely singleton!

Not to mention that it puts quite a lot of pressure on them as they realise that people seem to be hyper aware of their love life!

I think she sounds like a fairly typical 30 year old woman in the city. Enjoying her career, enjoying London, enjoying hanging out, etc. Let her enjoy it! If you want to support her, then maybe do something nice to help with her confidence. Take her to get her colours done as a birthday present or something. Ask her if she wants to do a sprint triathlon with you. Ask her if she has any travel plans. Whatever!

Plenty of people meet their partners through mutual friends, or at work, or at work events, and the more relaxed she is, and the more comfortable she is with herself, the more likely she will meet someone suitable for her.

I turned 30 this year, and have friends who span a couple of years younger to a few older. Most of the older ones are now married, with babies, or babies on the way, etc. Most of the younger ones are still very much single and having a great time. There's no right or wrong Smile

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/07/2014 14:07

Definitely quit playing matchmaker. It's really none of your business.

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