I feel a mess so this might come out all jumbled up.
I'm married with 5 kids 11 and under,my husband has just got a job in London that he says he loves,it's the first job for a long time that has made him happy. He leaves for work before the kids get up and comes home after they are all in bed so I do all the child care on my own during the week.This is a shock because he has always had a normal 9 to 5 job before.
For the last couple of years he has a tendency to talk about leaving me every 6 months or so, it would be like he's reevaluating his life and deciding he would be better off living by himself, so I would be gutted and crying for a few days but then he would change his mind and stay, I never understand why he does this because he never tells him.I just felt like he was playing games with my emotions one minute he wants me then he doesn't now he does.
when he got his new job a few months ago he totally changed,he got a new bank account which he refuses to let me have access to, I am bad with money but not totally untrustworthy with it. He works away quite a bit so if my child benefit runs out I'm stuck with no money.
Lately he keeps saying he wants to move out more and more but he just never does I really feel like he just messes with my head.
I suffer from quite bad depression and anxiety, I self harm when things get really bad. I am on medication. But I'm really struggling with looking after the kids by myself,they are playing up a lot recently and I can feel myself sinking deeper,I don't have any friends and my family live too far away.
yesterday morning he went on a work trip, for team building I think or something similar and I can't contact him at all. He hasn't called to see how we are, I'm worried I'm going to run out of money before he's back on Friday. I'm lying in bed with a sick 3 year old just totally freaked out and scared but not sure why.
I don't know why I posted or what I expect anyone yo say but I just can't stop crying at the minute and it's been that way for a while.