think im being punished by bf for feeling bad about my body

[passionflower1]

I'm the victim of my boyfriends silent treatment becasuse I got my pre baby sexy lingerie on and then got very upset that despite reducing my calorie intake and frequent exercise for months i still looked bloody awful and his impending sexy time was cancelled due to my disgust in my body.

We usually have a healthy and active sex life however, recently its not as often as I've been diagnosed with an enlarged pituitary gland in my brain which causes constant headache and fatigue which has been going on for weeks.

We have an 18 month daughter together and I have an 11 & 13 yr old from a previous relationship.

I work 3 12 he shifts as a nurse and am solely responsible for finances and housework, he works opposite shifts to me about 25 hrs per week and cooks when he's off. we share childcare but on his days off our daughter has 2 morning sessions at nursery, I get no time to myself.

I'm slightly cross that he has treated me to this sort of behavior, I was really upset and disappointed that I looked dreadful in my lingerie I'm a size 10 but have cellulite on my bum and I'm wobbly .before our youngest was born I was at the gym and worked hard toget my body in shape, now I struggle to get to the gym so do DVD s at home and eat healthy but it's not going as well as I hoped and I'm cross with myself. I do DVD s when the kids are in bed so my body transformation does not interfere with their routines.
I'm tired and worn out as I don't get much (if any) help. My bf tells me he loves me and my body and finds me very sexy and wants me to dress up as I look good according to him, I just feel ridiculous I've lost my body confidence and I'm usually so exhausted I can't be bothered. I'm sure if I was watching him day in day out run around tidying up with a pounding head and then suggested he go upstairs to take an hour or so to pamper himself and get dressed up while I played Xbox I'd feel energised and ready for sex.

Am I being selfish? Have I offended him by sulking about my dimply bum instead of cracking on and pretending I look great?

So you are unhappy with your body and you feel insecure which turns you off and he is basically having a tantrum cos you didn't 'tend to his needs anyway'.... Smooth!!

Especially with a serious condition he could be more supportive. Is this sort of emotional abuse/manipulation common? I can't stand the silent treatment, my DH used to do it to me and it would last days and days but we had a temporary split and I was clear that I wouldn't take that anymore and to his credit he hasn't done it since!

Silent treatment over sex though is quite pathetic.... IMO

You need to talk to each other (and also your older children) about working as a team, sharing out the domestic stuff and how to make that work better so that everyone's pulling their weight. You've also got to articulate how it feels to have constant headaches which are leaving you exhausted, depressed and probably not helping how you feel about your body.

Your boyfriend needs to grow up. You need practical support here, not a little boy playing X-box and perving over your suspenders.

Ahhh I did have a chuckle - perving over suspenders! I feel boring and I like spicing up our sex but I just haven't got anything left to give, I'm tired and fed up and feel I'm looking after another child at times. I want him to look after me, not just say go on get off to bed you look tired actually help me not feel tired by him pulling his weight. I'm glad it's him that's being silly, he stomped of saying don't bother the moments passed when I suggested giving HIM a massage after I got upset I was trying to make him feel better when he should have been showing me that my body is just as desirable even if he didnt get sex as his reward. I find it sad that he won't really spend time caressing me, or kissing me or have any intimate contact that doesn't lead to sex. Wouldn't it be nice to get each other going over a few nights building up to a fantastic climax! I suppose I should talk to him and not post in here but as I have no family near and my friends have moved away I have no one other than my partner to talk to ahhh!

Would it not be fairer to have one of your daughter's nursery sessions on BF day off and the other on your day off? Also, can you afford to get someone in to help with housework, even just once a fortnight?

Also agree with Cognito in that you need to discuss sharing the workload.

Why dont you rejoin a gym or exercise classes and go on the evenings of your days off?

Sorry did not see bit about your pituitary, perhaps gym sessions are not the best thing. Might something like a gentle yoga class be beneficial?