I am so upset

[NannyStar]

Was going to change my name for this but I can't...i'm desperate for someone to listen so posted anyway.

After having some big problems with DP recently I decided it best we go our seperate ways so here I am living with my mother. I am 22.

I found out I am 6 weeks pregnant and blurted it out to DP during an heated argument on msn messenger. Bad way to break it to him I know. He took it well and we both agreed it would be cruel to bring a child into the world when both parents arent working and therefore unable to provide adequetly for the child, and plus i want a stable upbringing for my child. not one inbetween bickering parents. So we both agreed on a termination.

So I went into a young persons sexual health clinic and had the termination. I would have done anything to be able to have the baby and still wondering 'what if' I hadn't done it.

So I am obv weepy and a little bit more sensitive than usual. My mother has an overseas husband...I hate him...he's a kiniving (sp)arrogant little motherf.....

So now because I'm acting strangely my mother has told her husband and he has been hacking into DPs msn to see DP and I's conversaions. Also my mum was on msn last night to DP and threatened to kill me and kill him when she found out what is wrong. I will not tell anyone else about the termination because it is personal and my family are incredibly judgemetal and I know my mum will go on asking why i was so stupid to fall pregnant in the first place.

And tonight also on top of her husband hacking into DPs msn account, my mum came in my room for some writing paper while i was online discussing the termination with DP. I have all my letters, bank statements etc together and she came in for paper. I had written a letter to DP discussing recent events so got the pad with the letter on to tear off paper for her, she noticed the letter to DP and tried to snatch the pad off me. Luckily I ripped the letter off the pad and ripped it up. Then she went over to my laptop and clicked on DPs name to bring the conversation up. She succeeded but I blocked her view with my hand. She thought it was funny and I was stood there in tears. I told her about her husband hacking into DPs msn and she laughed. I am so upset and angry. Packed some things into a rucksack and ready to walk out. No where to go and DPs currently in Zimbabwe. Feel so alone.

Don't really know what to say but wanted you to know you are never alone. Always people around with a shoulder to cry on.

feel so sorry for you, are there no freinds you can go and stay with, your mother is sounding like a right ass at the moment, there are so many emotions that follow a termination and having no support i cant imagine what you are feeling x

Oh poor you. Can you stay somewhere else for a while? I think your mum probably isn't being the most helpful and maybe it's not the best place for you right now. Stop talking on msn there if you know your conversations aren't private, like it or not, it's their computer (I take it?) so they can do it. It's not nice or morally ok imo but if you don't talk (and you can tell your dp why) there's nothing they will see. Can you at least leave any personal stuff with a friend?

I think you should find someone to talk to wrt the termination. you did what you thought was right at the time but talking it through really might help. Will see if I can find somewhere for you.

poor you a termination is a hard thing to go through on your own
have you any friends to talk to/stay with
dont be alone talk to us if you cant talk to anybody in rl

you're under 25 so the Brook might help you

care confidential have helplines

Thanks so much for your replies. You are all so kind.

I use my own laptop WWW and yes all conversations are private but my mothers husband illegally hacks into mine and DPs computer to read them.

I actually confessed to my mother last night which was why I didn't come back online (apologies for that). DP was frightened my mothers husband would find him and kill him (or badly hurt him) when he found out so my mum, DP and I said it wouldn't go no further than the 3 of us but my mother was online to her husband last night and told him all about the termination. I don't know how he reacted but how dare she?!?! He's in the same country as DP is currently, even in the same neighbourhood and children before marriage is extremely unheard of. I am so angry with my mother. Yes Dp is an arse which is why we broke up but I think it was nobody elses but DP and I's business to begin with. I am shattered both physically and emotionally.

WWW, thanks for the Brook website link. I love the Brook, it's fab. They're the ones who actually reffered my termination.

I'm really sorry you are having such a horrible time Nannystar. Termination is a difficult enough decision come to to without having to deal with unsupportive and hurtful parents. Agree with WWW that you should really try to find somewhere else to stay for a few days to give yourself some head space and time to decide what to do next. I really would recommend talking to someone about the termination though, either professional or someone you can really trust - I didn't and 15 years on, its still something that troubles me (although I am pretty sure I made the right decision at the time)

Good luck, keep posting if it helps

So sorry you are having a tough time nannystar. I'm a little shocked at your mothers interferance, tbh. I think you need to find somewhere else to live if you want some privacy. Dont think you'll get it there.

Am also shocked a mother's lack of respect and general emotional immaturity. You don't threaten to kill people ffs

I am sorry if I sound harsh but your mother sounds horrible. Can you get away from her? You need some peace and stability to cope with what has happened to you, the last thing you need is your mother and her husband interfering like this. Do you have a friend you can go and stay with?

How dare they hack into your private conversations! I feel outraged on your behalf.

Hi, I am out of work at the moment and since I have left my last job as a nanny and come back up north I have no one to stay with up here. When I told her about the termination last night I also mentioned how unfair it was to be threatening DP, trying to snatch my letters and trying to see what we had wrote on my msn conversation but she just laughed and told me not to be so sensitive.

If I declared myself homeless to the council would they find me somewhere to live immediately and pay my bills? I dont claim jobseekers allowance or any benefits.

Yes, go to them and tell them your mother is kicking you out. They might require a letter from her stating that this is true, do you think she would do that for you?

In my experience, when someone tells you not to be so sensitive it is usually more a question of them being insensitive.

Blimey honey you are in a mess - you need a lot of tlc and a big hug. Go to citizens advice bureu (or however u spell it!) they can be really sweet and helpful. local council can help 2 but best to go to them via cab. I had this with my 4 kids in tow in Jan and having kids def helps case but they should help you too even if youth hostel for now. lots of luck n love kiddo you need it. be strong n hold your head up high, you can do it. let us know. XXX