How to deal with people who don't listen to you and just talk about themselves?

[DamnIWishIWasYourLover]

I seem to attract people that do this, and have ended up with several friends that just talk constantly about themselves and don't listen to a word that I say.

I am feeling quite cross today; we have just been on holiday. I provide one day a week of babysitting (for free) for my SIL whilst she is at work. Yesterday when she dropped her DD off all she did was talk about herself as per usual and didn't even make any reference to the fact that we'd been on holiday. She never asks anything about DH and I, or the DCs, and just talks about herself and her life in a woe is me way. If I say anything about myself, DH or the kids, she just looks at me and changes the subject.

I have someone who is a good friend who also behaves in this way. If I say anything about myself she just looks at me blankly and then carries on talking about herself.

What irritates me is all the friends that do this to me seem to listen to everything that other people say, as they always have plenty of gossip to tell me about other people, yet can't listen to anything I say for 5 minutes.

How do you deal with people like this, without totally losing it with them and telling them a few home truths?

That's just the way some people are. I find it quite relaxing to occasionally be with those kind of people as they are so self-absorbed that they continue to talk and don't really expect you to interject with anything sensible.

It has to be occasionally though as being with them too often is dull.

Not worth getting upset about, increase your circle of friends and you'll find the ones that are interested in what you have to say.

It just annoys me how they get away with it;somehow they manage to talk really loudly and make the person they are talking to just feel like shit

One way I have coped with this from my mil is to play bingo.
They have a few stock phrases and when they say it- shout BINGO to yourself and plan a reward, bar of choc, magazine etc.
Even our dd's are in on it.
Make light of it, cos they wont change!

You could try saying "Is it my turn yet?" If they have any grace at all they'll look embarrassed. If they don't, it's time to look for some new friends.

I'm much more of a talker than a listener (you won't be surprised to learn) but am mortified when I realise I've been hogging the conversation.

It's a bit shitty, I'll agree. I have a friend that routinely asks for advice about how to deal with her mental health and life around it, yet when referring to what my particular condition was (which was public knowledge, I have done campaigning and radio shows and posts for Facebook/Twitter that she has been involved in) she always says "Depression or something, she just gets a bit upset"! It wasn't a competition, but considering the effort I had put in with her by showing her how recovery is possible (and using my experience as a case study) it felt like everything I told her about ME to help HER was irrelevant. In any case, she doesn't take responsibility for it and blames everything and everyone else. As far as she is concerned, I was only given MH help because of my active role and who I knew, and not because I was nearly sectioned - she says it's the MH teams fault she's not being helped, but it's because she ignored all calls from Wellbeing service because "phone calls are a waste of time".

At some point, I just accepted her having a vessel to talk about herself was probably helping her in whatever way, although it went against my principle of taking responsibility. She'll send me a couple of messages a week on FB (but ignores my texts) to ask what she should do about X or how should she deal with Y and I'll fire off a quick answer these days - before I'd spend an hour trying to find the right words. 9 times out of 10 she'll read it and reply three days later that she did it Z way and it didn't work out. When I was in hospital and was asked as part of my therapy to find a way of reaching out to people, I posted on my usually inactive FB and posted how dreadful it was, how she'll never take me for granted and how wonderful I am; in the same sentence saying "But you're in better state of mind than me, can't even eat or sleep atm!" - Sure, because having your head examined high on all kinds of drugs is great .

Well, what's wrong with telling them? They're friends. Shouldnt you be able to have an honest conversation with anyone you call friend?
doesnt have to be an attack, just something like "I feel like you never want to listen to me and it upsets me, because it feels as though you feel I am dull or you arent interested in me."
maybe they havent realised. Maybe the people they appear to listen to do something that you dont-do you stop speaking when they start, for example? I used to do that then realised everyone will talk over you! So started saying sorry, I hadnt finished.. and not being my usual meek overly polite self acting like I was in the wrong for being interrupted. I dont know if that sounds familiar, but if it does, there are stratagies you can use to change the way you communicate .. in non confrontational ways.