Does one person always love more?

[thisisnow]

I have only been in one relationship since my late teens. We have had our ups and downs along the way but always pulled through.

I have been thinking though that my OH loves me more than I love him. Does this apply for every relationship where someone always loves slightly more than the other? Does it matter?

I have been very confused lately about what love actually is. Is it more of an action and a decision to support someone through the good and the bad or is it an overwhelming feeling that you cannot live without that person? I.e there are things about my OH that I love but also parts of his personality that I don't really like but I have accepted as no one is perfect, myself included.

Apologies if this post sounds immature or naive just trying to make sense of what the balance is supposed to be like and have no other relationship experience to compare it to.

It's an impossible question because love, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Highly individual and personal. You will never be able to compare your love with someone else's let alone quantify it. Even if they say 'I love you', that's no guarantee of anything. So rather than worrying about what someone else is feeling you have to judge whether it's a good relationship based on your personal standards, expectations and experience.

No people just love in different ways.

If the subtext of this question is that you have become conscious that you don't have very much affection for your OH then that's a matter of conscience. If you stay with someone even though there are big parts of their personality that you don't like, and if you enjoy their adoration without feeling the need to reciprocate, it is dishonest. The danger of a dishonest relationship is that contempt & resentment will start to creep in. No-one is perfect but genuine love means that the good outweighs the bad, not that the bad is grudgingly tolerated.

Thanks for the replies. I find it hard to articulate myself so I think this is why I struggle with this question I don't even know what I'm asking really!

There is affection from my side and when I say I dislike aspects they are more general annoyances than deal breakers.

In 1975 my English teacher told us that one person always loved more than the other...and we had to work out who.

Is it better to love or be loved?

I have had a few boyfriends in my past, some loved me more and some I loved more. Therefore, I would not be surprised if in a long term relationship, one party might be more besotted than the other, though that may change over time.

It is not necessarily better to be the one who is loved. Some people need to feel that giddy feeling to stay in a relationship - I think this is truer for men's happiness than women who can be more hardnosed. It is what you want from a relationship.

Haha 7to25 have you worked out the answer yet?

I think it had something to do with Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barratt but she told us that her husband loved her more than she loved him!!!!!!

I don't think so.

But I do think how that love is expressed can come across as a way to quantify love IYSWIM?

Those who love the most have the least power
Those who love the least have the most power

Not correct in a normal relationship where the is an equal power base but some of the statement above does ring true.

Some people are so in love/infatuated with their partner they will be willing to overlook bad behaviour - cheating, abuse etc. The cheating partner will do it again and again because they know they are so loved they can get away with whatever they want because the other partner is so in love they wont do anything to rock the boat.

I used to feel years ago that I loved DP more then he loved me (in hindsight i needed him more than he needed me), and he did some pretty bad behaviour. I now feel that we are more equal (probably because I dont need him so much) and any more poor behaviour wont be tolerated. I do feel that I dont love him anywhere near as much as I used to - but I do still love him.

If anything I think the balance of power is tipped more in my favour - but I am too nice to do shitty things to him to test the power balance!

As long as there is SOME love on both sides it shouldn't really matter. Most relationships go back and forth with times where one loves more and then it swaps.

The blissful times is when both coincide, the awful times when the love is at a low ebb on both sides.