Brother's baby due at same time as ours...again!

[scaryboobs]

I'm a lucky sausage to have a large, loving, lovely family who all dote on my DS. I am also really lucky to have a gorgeous nephew who was born 8 weeks later. Luck continued when I found out I was expecting my second, due in March. However, brother has just announced that he and SIL are expecting their second with exactly the same small gap again. Though delighted for them, I must confess that my heart sank a bit because there were the inevitable comparisons made last time btween me and SIL re coping with pregnancies, labours, breastfeeding etc and our DS's also get compared, though never nastily tbf. Am I being horrible/hormonal/normal for secretly wishing there was more of a gap this time? Has anyone else been through something similar? How dd you stay a nice sis and SIL instead of turning into a grumpy trout?

admit to being a grumpy trout to SIL and have a laugh about it together .. I'll bet she felt exactly the same as you, if not worse as its your mother and only her mil

like this

"I know you'll think I'm barking mad but last time I got a little narked at all the comparisons .. did you? can we gang up together this time"

agree with twiglett, you need to face it head on - you obv don't want the comparisons about the kids to continue for the rest of their lives either, so it needs nipping in the bud if at all possible.

Thanks Twiglett! Only trouble is, SIL is probably the biggest comparer...think it's a confidence thing so I try to let it go over my head, but everything down to the size of their feet seems to be a big deal! (my nephew's are bigger so he's the winner! Mad or what?) I feel daft even typing it cos I do try to rise above it but we have loads of mutual friends and obviously rellies so it these comparisons get thrown around a lot and it drives me mad! There's no solution really, and there's loads of positives, but I just needed a confidential moan, trying to be gracious all the time is wearing me out!!

Comparisons are tiresome. If you're lucky, you won't have kids of the same gender again, which should reduce the comparisons.

in a similar situation (twice over)I find saying ad nausium "well they are all individuals" or "isn't ot strange how they develop diffferently" etc. works a treat or widen it so you bring in older cousins etc . well xxx was the same or do you remember what xxx was like at that age work - if nothing else you can see how many times you can say it

I think 2nd time round she might be less precious

thing is if you do confront it head on she'll know there's an issue and she may be a little more sensitive

but I'm sure she must deep down be reacting to other people's comparisons and her own insecurities

I was a grumpy trout too... but in private - and luckily didn't see em all that much . (BOTH step sisters were due a month or two after me!!!)

(Dunno if they read on here - if so - I was a grumpy trout about many things, so it isn't personal )

i would consistently block the comparisons or keep saying 'everyone's different' and hopefully they'll all get the message. unless she's totally insensitive.

My sister was four months behind me and my sil too.I didnt care cos I waited to be an auntie for ages in the end both delivered in same week.
Having 4 months between my child and both of theirs we would get comparisons from both sides- no escape- but now they are all older not so much.

Sympathy from me here too, my SIL has a habit of doing this fortunately she has done it to both me and her own sister, She even chose to have her elective CS on the same day as my LO birthday. (That made me really cross!)

My dd and my niece were born 4 weeks apart. She was my first child and my brother's 2nd. We did get comparison's etc and I didn't love it at the time but now the girls are so close in age and play together beautifully.

she probably feels that both times her event has been overshadowed by yours .

Maybe mail her and say - it is a shame in a way that you neither of you got the chance to be the only one - but at least you can sympathise with each other about how things are - you each really know what it is like.

Say you feel slightly childish for sometimes wishing the timing was different, but then you console yourself thinking of all the great times the cousins will have together growing up.

Message withdrawn

Thanks everyone, I think the sympathy was all I needed to make me feel better! Podmog, sorry to hear you have the same thing - I think that's why I'm very sensitive to it too because me and my bro were compared a lot and I just soooo wanted to avoid it for our children. I know that no-one ever means anything nasty by the comparisons but it doesn't stop the comments from getting right up my nose! Another classic today...FIL sat at my dining table telling me "how easy" I had it during labour compared to SIL...grrrrrr!! SIL has her 20 week scan soon tho and they'll find out the sex, everything crossed the babies are different genders this time to ease it all a bit. I've been thinking about it a lot since I posted the message last night, trying to work out what's at the bottom of why it drives me so mad, and I think it's because both times we've been open about trying for a baby so they've known and chosen to try too, but told us that they weren't, so they've had a choice in sharing everything but we haven't. Dear me, that sounds selfish doesn't it?! Maybe I'm just being all a bit too precious about it! Come on homones, come and take the blame again for my irrational behaviour!!