Am I asexual?

[Tea1Sugar]

Dp and I have been together 2.5 years, had full sex 6 times resulting in dd2 (I have dd1 from previous rel). We do everything else maybe once every 2-4 weeks but only six times we've dtd. It scares me. Dd1s birth was awful, really damaged me physically (repaired now) and mentally (required psychosexual therapy). I have to gear myself up for it and now after years I simply can't be bothered. Dp has never pressured me in the slightest. My lack of being bothered, does that make me asexual?

What is 'everything else' that you do every 2 -4 weeks? If it's physical/sexual intimacy then you're not asexual. Do you get pleasure from physical intimacy when it happens? Have you enjoyed it in the past? Sounds like the trauma of birth has understandably taken a lot of the joy out of it and sometimes it's easier to adapt to reality and rationalise it as a conscious choice than the alternative.

Lots of foreplay which both of us orgasm from

But I can only be arsed with that every few weeks.

Then you're definitely not asexual. :) Asexual means having no sexual urges whatsoever and no ability to get aroused. What you've got is a reluctance to engage in PIV because of the trauma. You've rationalised it as 'I'm not bothered' but that's a pretty normal way to cover up something that you don't feel you can do anything about.

Other reasons for being happy with relatively infrequent intimacy

• fatigue
• stress
• problems with partner
• body-image issues
• lack of opportunity/privacy
• repression... e.g. having been taught sex is 'dirty'
• etc

Fatigue - check (3mo baby)
Body issues - check (as above)
I'd choose sleep any day but a new baby can't be the sole reason behind years of this.

You're assuming that you're abnormal but sex drives vary a lot. Some people are at it daily quite happily, others are CofE (Christmas and Easter) quite happily, and there are all points in between. If your partner is happy and you're OK with your sex-life then that's really all that matters. You have a 3mo baby now... how old is DD1? Are you in good health generally? Sleep-deprived but is your diet OK?