Feelings for some one other than Hubby

[OaktreeandMe]

My Husband and I have been married for almost 18 months (together for 5 years) and we have a delightful 3 YO.

I have never even looked at another man for the whole time we have been together and definitely never been sexually attracted to someone other then him.

But I have all of a sudden developed strong feelings for a guy I work with. I can't stop thinking about him (and i know that is horrible and it makes me a terrible person). I have written to my manager at my previous job to a

Sorry accidentally posted without finishing.

Anyway, I have applied for a new position because I think the only way to get away from this is to change job. But I can't leave until i have another job because we wont have enough money.

Also, said man kissed me at work drinks last week to make it all worse. I didn't stop him though. I was so angry at myself and guilty.

Has anyone else had this problem? I don't know what to do about it. Will the feelings just go away after a while. I don't want to ruin my marriage. We had a fine relationship before all this (i haven't told Husband about any of this).

Thanks (please no judgemental comments, it's hard enough as it is).

It doesn't make you a terrible person to have a crush on someone. You're only married, not dead from the waist down. As long as you don't pursue the workmate and as long as you don't neglect your marriage, enjoy giving your mojo a run out..

OK.. enthusiastic kissing makes things slightly worse than a crush. Was he kissing other people, did he single you out or were you draping yourself over him all night... ?

Oh and don't be an idiot and think you need to tell your DH and bare all. You can get over a crush - even a crush with a kiss - but there's no going back from telling a spouse that you have feelings for someone else.

Yes, I definitely do not want to tell him! It would serve no purpose apart from ruining our whole relationship and upsetting him. The man pursued me and kissed me, I didn't even see it coming. I think that may have been what's really set these feelings off.

In saying that, i could have stopped him couldn't i? Yes.

You were attracted at being pursued and kissed against your will or are you saying you found him attractive before the evening out and didn't take much pursuing?

You're going to have to make a big effort to ignore your feelings here.

The stock answer for something like this is to get closer to your DH - rediscover what it was that made you want to marry him, have 'date nights' etc. Then this crush will fade.

We all have crushes; the secret is to see them for what they are. This bloke fancies you and sees you as a challenge. It's nice to be fancied, but you have to show him in no uncertain terms that you are not available.

"i could have stopped him couldn't i? "

Yes and no. There is such a thing as sexual assault. What was the context? Enjoying the experience doesn't necessarily mean it was acceptable behaviour on his part.

Have a read of this thread, have a think, and put one big stop to it all before you ruin your life like the OP below did:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2126277-DH-breaking-down-after-affair-1-year-on

I did read that one BrunoBrookesDinedAlone. Horrible. I never ever thought I would be that person. People who have affairs disgust me. Concentrate on Hubby.. Got it!