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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fed-up with everything, Builders, Future plans, DH, Etc, Etc......

2 replies

sweetpud · 07/07/2014 11:19

Morning everyone, I just wondered if anyone else has had a simillar problem as me or can offer any advice please? When my DH finished work we talked about moving house etc and what we were going to do with our new future. When it finally came down to it DH decided that he did not want to move and told me that if I still wanted to then I would have to sort it all out myself and he would go along with it, great hey! In the end I said ok then if I'm having to stay put here then we need to discuss what needs doing in the house so that I may feel a little happier living here. We talked it through and decided to look for a builder,

It took a while but we finally got a builder to quote us on some work and we were almost on the point of a start date, after waiting some weeks and having paid a large deposit, when I realised the planned work was not really what we wanted or needed really, and DH agreed. After a lengthy chat I made a list of priorities of what I would be happy with, like new flooring and decor, and I've always wanted a nice garden and conservatory, and DH also said the same pretty much, but added that he would like to extend upstairs so that we had a bigger bedroom, but also would like to add a bigger kitchen, again things I also liked the idea of, though I still argue that it would have been cheaper to move!

Then to make matters worse, out of the blue, my DH gets offered a full time job, which he is over the moon with and which throws our plans and routine up into the air. We always talked of him going part time so we had time for us, and to take mini breaks and sort our home and so on. Now I am dreading being left here all day everyday on my own whist major building work goes on, so p'd off!

To cut a very long story short we had a discussion with the builder, who always takes forever to get back to us, and he agreed on doing the work but said we would need planning permission. He brought along an architect who is someone he knows well and everywhere was measured etc and plans were to be drawn up for our approval. Its taken another month for the architect to draw up the plans and get back to us for approval. Once submitted we will have to wait for council approval, which usually takes another 8 weeks, so bringing us towards Autumn, and I cannot get anything else done until then, as the building work needs sorting first, as you can imagine the mess and disruption!

I worry that once we get the approval, our "builder" will again take ages to make a start and we will be heading towards Winter. I'm so fed up and have only outlined some of this as I would bore you all to death with all the details. I feel like the builder is in control and my DH is happy to let him be I think, but if I say anything it will cause rows between me and DH, as he likes and trusts the builder and seems happy with everything.

To sum up, we have been in touch with our builder now for 5 months and are no further ahead with any of the other things I wanted doing to make me feel a little happier living here. I feel like saying to hell with it all and get another company in to do the conservatory, and get all my flooring and decor done anyway, then just wait for the building work to be done last, though is this risky do you think??

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/07/2014 11:30

It must be horrible to be married to someone who would rather take a builder's side over yours. Having just successfully/happily completed a large building project myself, and having heard some horror stories from friends doing the same thing and having bad experiences, I would say that it's vital you have total faith in your builder/project manager/architect team or it is a miserable and lengthy business.

So I'd say get the planning permission, sack Mr Slowpoke Builder and risk the row with DH. This is not the time for compromise.

Joysmum · 07/07/2014 12:34

I feel for you. I develope properties and our own house is in the process of being completely renovated and it really hard work.

Even trying to get anyone in to quote is hard, then chasing up the quote is hard, then pinning them down to a start date, then keeping them exclusively on your project, keeping them working to plan and your expectations...etc

It sounds like you've not helped matters by not knowing what you wanted and your DH going along with you to keep you happy as you've been the one wanting change.

My tip is to keep per steering everyone involved at least every couple of days so things don't slide.

Get the number of the architect and chase up the drawings yourself. Be sure to take the time to discuss them and make changes before they are submitted. Hopefully you'll have done your research and know that he is used to dealing with your planning authority, as is your builder.

Only once the plans have been approved would I schedule work to begin, many people start work on the bits they don't need approvals for.

Personally, I think your best bet is to keep your house as it is and schedule work to begin in spring. If the plans haven't even been submitted yet then you've got another 2 months before you get your permissions if you include time prior to them being submitted for you to review and approve them for submittal.

Don't assume anybody is doing as they say the will and busting a gut for things to get done swiftly, this is rarely the case.

I'm currently in the process of 3 major projects on 3 houses and it's a ball ache from start to finish despite my experience. Be sure what you want, be assertive and confident in your dealings with others and continually chase up for progress reports.

Good luck.

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