How to help DH with his parents

[Sudocremegg]

I am so worried about DH today.

A bit of background is that we don't see a lot of his parents (he is in effect an only child, one sister died early in her life and his half brothers grew up with their mother) but that isn't for want of trying. Every time we try to suggest doing something we are told "No" - not "No, but another day/venue/idea is more convenient for us" but simply No. We don't live close enough to be able to drop in easily but do if we're passing. They never telephone us or visit us or anything. We do all the running and are rebuffed.

Anyway, the point today is that he had a phonecall from his Aunt last night to tell him that his Grandmother had died on Friday. His parents didn't seem to think it was appropriate to tell him. In the course of the phonecall with his aunt he had a guilt trip laid on him about how he needs to spend more time with his parents as they miss us. We try to spend time with them! He thought as he had been missed that he had better call his half brothers to let them know, only to find out they were told by his father on Friday morning.

He is devastated, not just that he has lost his grandmother, but that he seems to be losing his parents too. He is so hurt that they couldn't be bothered to let him know about it.

How can I help him with this?

Can you clarify the various relationships? Who are his birth parents? Who are the half-brothers' birth parents? The aunt is the sister to whom? Ditto the late grandmother - who's DM was she? Also, do the half-brothers live closer by than you do?

Is it a simple case of your DH being 'odd one out'...?

How close are you to his aunt? Could you talk go her about the fact that you regularly try to see them and are confused that they miss you. Ask what she thinks etc...

Sorry, the explanation of the family aren't clear.

DH is the only surviving child of his DF's second marriage.
It is DF's mother who has died, and also the aunt's mother.
Half brothers are DH's DF's from his first marriage. They live hundreds of miles away, further than we do.
DH's DM won't have anything to do with the half brothers.

I'm just so sad for DH. His aunt did sound like she understood the effort we were making, and has said to DH's parents - so she says - that they can call us too and make arrangements with us too. He is upset, angry and really struggling with this. I think possibly because his parents still haven't been in touch about his GM dying.

I suspect he is the odd one out, but he's feeling so rejected today and I can't make it right for him

I think he needs to go see his parents, unannounced, just drop in on them and have a proper, honest chat about what the hell is going on. They can't keep waving him away with no explanation on the one hand and then whining to the aunt on the other. Either they're pissed off with him about something he's said/done or there's something they're not telling him, or they're going ga-ga. But leaving him in the dark about grandmother's death for 3 (?) days is just bizarre.

I agree a face-to-face discussion with both of them.