Finally phoned and reported the DV and abuse now feel empty

[Lovebeingmumma12]

Hi their long time lurker here bit off background was with my expartner over two years fell pregnant had our son who is my world and I adore my expartner was abusive in all forms emotional physical verbal financially u name it dissapeared with friends when two weeks old then a moved back to home town turns up when ds is 3months ever since has bn in and out only comes when he wants money yet makes out fr his ds soon as don't give him what he wants he goes it's my fault apparently why he's a shit dead beat dad and my fault cause don't buy him car house money etc and he can't be a father unless a do any off this which is absurd realise that now and the new Gf he's been with few month been threating me also saying that was ok he abused me aslong as isn't her or her kid which isn't his yet he pays fr them hasn't paid a dime or got his son anything since day born got more threats today and realised a was reporting the lot as enough a enough have all evidence on fone neighbours given statements etc police were here more or less all day I know av done right thing as he wasn't interested in our son frm day one he's neglected him plain n simple just need some advice as police said al have lot people in touch and SS will call and see am ok bt as the father doesn't stay and we ain't together and police weren't concerned bout child they'll prob not visit but need advice as am still traumatised by full abuse hurting for my 8 month old son who iv stood by frm day one and would not change any that but iv been told by officer their hopefully making arrest in morning as he's at the new gfs any advice on contact for child or no contact order as he hasnt bothered from day one emotionally abused us both stole off hs own son he's just the dead off all dead beat dads so av done ths fr my child as much as me trying be strong but now sons in bed can't help but cry sence off relief but hurt too as can't believe got to this and just looking back etc crazy how things turn out but I live fr my son and he's a angel and a blessing to me sorry needed a rant xx

No contact. No contact unless it's supervised in a contact centre or similar.
And that's after he's been to court. He's not safe to be around. Not for you or for your child.

If he's truly the dead-beat dad you claim he is, he's not likely to bother with court. He'll just find a different woman to ponce off.

Hi their bitter yeah well that's me and his own family think theyv even disowned him because off his ways and towards his child yeah hel not bother about court he's already poncing off her iv warned her it's all I can do hoping if he gets arrested in morning bail conditions will be put in place and av contacted lawyer about no contact too he's a stranger to our son and have him threatening to take him to other country tonight hence why also got police involved so hoping ball gets rolling with it all new fresh start fr me and the LO hard times but will get better thanks fr advice xx

I agree with the advice to have NO contact.

Don't try to reason with him, or present 'your side' or appeal to his better side, don't try to "make him see" because he never, ever will.

The only thing they 'hear' or maybe I should say process is continued silence.

Don't feel validated by his family thinking badly of him, or waste energy caring what he does to other women.

Put all your thought-time in to you. Before you make a decision ask yourself who does this suit? In whose best interests is this?

Have you told the police that he's threatened to take your child out of the country?

Switch your phone off and don't switch it back on til you have a new sim.

If you are on fb delete any mutual acquaintances.

Bange - yes and theyv red marked my address ass he did threat to come tomorrow fr ds but as their hoping to get to hers and charge him in morning hoping it doesn't come to him turning up but av to phone police and not let him in case for some reason they don't track him in morning or he's not at hers and bitter -yes they know about threats a have dv police officer coming tomorrow also and also agree is me n my sons interests as he's a happy child a love and give him what he needs and other family member he doesn't need a abuser deadbeat dad and let down in out his life not a role model and won't let it and iv turned phone off on contract but gonna contact provider in morning luckily don't have mutual friends on FB nomore but av deleted it ATM till the calm settles down as gonna be tough few days police have warned xx

Have not slept a wink knowing he's hopefully getting arrested today my son was very unsettled also gonna be busy day with police again domestic abuse unit lawyers etc av got this far and al get through the rest xx

I hope all goes well today.

Do get in contact with women's aid for advice and support.
You can also contact NCDV for a no contact order. Google it. They are volunteer solucitors.

As for contact, he probably won't want it, but you cannot be forced to maintain contact that endangers you or your child. So, do what's safest for both.
Let him ask for it and then decide.

But, dor report any threatening behaviour or measages

Yes thanks for the message lewiji- am expecting harassment off the new gf etc today only because he's moved to a place no one knows him etc he makes out he's the doting dad and everything's my fault they cannot believe this great actor really is the abuser and neglecting father he is but a was her once upon a time but police said keep all texts calls etc and to call them right away his family disowned him not sure how they'll react if he's arrested this moring they live england so does he but am from scotland and the new gf he with in borders in Scotland he finds places and people no one know him it's weird as feel really weird and numb that av done something about it relieved but still left with the mental emotional impact abuse scars u and leaves you with thanks for the message x

Yes, you are left with the consequences.

Do take help from where you can. Talk to your GP about counselling, but WA also offers the Freedom Programme. Take a look at it.

Ok a will check it out today thanks fr advice x

Hi wee update expartner hasn't bn arrested yet as he's not at the gfs and she not telling them where he is also the police said SS May call or may not a never received call yesterday is it unlikely that they'll contact me now as am not with father nomore and doesn't live here and police said they'll note to them no concerns with me or ds and house is clean tidy baby thriving etc any advice as last thing a need is a narky SS worker down my neck xx

Be open and honest with SS. A healthy happy baby speaks for himself. You will be fine.

It doesn't matter what your ex says to anyone. The fact is you have left an abusive relationship and that is as positive a role model as your son could have. You decided you were worth more, found the courage to leave, up heaved your life to care for your son and yourself.

You should be very proud.

Yes this is true if they do come round av nothing to hide my sons healthy happy wee soul it's the dead beat dads and abusers they should go after yes me and son worth more got domestic unit coming round again today to take my phone as have recordings pictures etc and to add to statement thank u fr the lovley message all hail xx

Just had the social services at the door as a was bout to leave to do shopping just asking bout the father and advising me no contact and to not let him near the child etc even though he already doesn't stay with me worker was very nice although because the new gf has kid she's on a. Warpath to inform her local ss as he shouldn't be staying with the new gf and kid as he's a danger and threat so looks like she's gonna get a visit too am more or less 200 percent sure she's gonna mouth off and spite lies about me etc as iv finally went to police am not worried the social worker said it be normal as she's the new partner shel defend him but a don't want weekly visits if she's gonna cause trouble got enough without weekly visits from ss but today they seemed very on Myside and said av nothing to worry about am just concerned about the spiteful vindictive new gf she's already threatened me n my son

Keep a log of all threats the new GF makes.
You can report her too for harassment.
She cannot threaten you.
If they are horrible threats then you should report it immediately.
I know I would. Keep yourself and your DS safe.
I'm glad SS are there to help you.
They can help support you through this as well.
But do contact Womens Aid for more support.

Hi yes went to women's aid today yeah bit wary off ss a don't think av for worker think they just came too check a was ok and some women n kid workers coming to see us next week what am worried about is because the new gf obviously dislikes me and my son she's gonna deney everything and a whole load off allegations to ss as the police said she will more than likely do that and because the ex is with her and her kid the isn't his bt the ss services said today they'll begoing to see her too but a know av done nothing but out off spite because a finally reported the abuse and my ex will clearly get charged a think she's gonna just make allegations on me ss and police said nothing worried about but already anxious still overcoming all this emotionally and last thing a need is her vindictive self throughing things in my way am trying keep my son and settled as a can as he's a happy wee soul thanks fr advice again xx