assaults keep happening

[filthycute]

I'm posting about a really good friend. She is feeling really confused and doesn't know what to do. A few days ago she was with a male who she has trusted as a confidant, on this occasion they met face to face.

He recommended that she have a massage, she was clearly reluctant but this man managed to coerce her and then he's become rough, forcibly removed her clothes and gave her an intimate massage. Throughout she was uncomfortable, he appeared to be very excited and was trying to encourage more, f friend managed to end this. She is now feeling really violated, this is someone who has been an informal counsellor to her for a few years and she felt she couldn't stop him that and he's going to minimise things if she confronts him. To me it sounds like he had groomed her, to the point where she felt she can't offend him by objecting to what sounds to me like a g gross breach of trust.

This has led to her recalling a number of other times when she has had unwanted male attention, come ons from friends husband, father in law, brother in law. All have touched or propositioned her.

She is convinced this is her fault, she asks what she is doing to invite it. Of course I support her and know this isn't her fault but I don't know what to say to help her,.

Is this common, do some women experience the worst side of males repeatedly, is it the company she keeps, how can I be supportive and help her.

Theres lots of predatory males out there, I think they look for people who are too polite for their own good, too afraid to offend anyone and people pleasers. Your friend needs to practice telling people to f* off in no uncertain terms.
Im not sure this guys broke the law but it might be worth asking the police about it.

Buy her books about relationships and encourage her to read them, and perhaps read them yourself.

Or report him to the police for sexual assault???

Assertiveness training.

What trapped said. A lot of predatory males :/

Unfortunately.predators.have.a.radar.for.those,who.are.vulnerable.
She.coule.report.this.'massage'man.for.assault,certainly.
And.maybe,look.into,something;like.the.Freedom.Programme.for,herself.

Agree with pps and if your friend is not the kind of person who can tell someone

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK GIVES YOU RIGHT, FUCK OFF.

in a very assertive tone then something like the Freedom programme could be very helpful.

She's going round being female and breathing, that's how she's "inviting" unwanted attention. That's all some men need (and I emphasise "some"). She does need to do something like assertiveness training if only to realise that she has every right to impose her wishes when it comes to her body and her comfort zone, but the responsibility should not be on her to say no more firmly, it should be on the man to recognise her reluctance and not push it. (The law recognises this, btw, although sadly many practitioners of it still haven't got their heads round the principle). She needs to overcome that feeling that she is somehow being bad mannered or ungrateful to resent being assaulted. He did wrong and none of the help he had given before entitled him to behave like that to her.

"do some women experience the worst side of males repeatedly"

Agreeing with the PP, there are a lot of males that will chance their arm with women - any woman. Being cowardly & manipulative they will look for someone who is susceptible to flattery or a sob-story or just someone who (in their eyes) is less likely to object - quiet or shy people. Conversely, others like a the challenge of bringing down someone who is strong. There's no one size fits all.

The man who raped her - and I think 'intimate massage' is downplaying it - sounds like he was in a position of authority as a counsellor and yes it was a gross violation. She would benefit, I think, from reporting him to his professional body or organisation and also the police. Your friend appears to think they have to put up with sexual assault and say nothing. That - I would suggest - is the part that needs to change in he mind. Survivor and not victim. If she reports him she will be taken seriously.