Is this stuff ever OK?

[physics]

Calling your partner a c**t in an aggressive way. Cheating on you when you have a small baby. Getting angry when not getting sex. Repeatedly going on about doing something sexual I don't want to do.

Back story. Been together since early twenties. 2 children under 7. Work full time. He works but does not make money. Tho that's changing. We split up for a time before having children. I left as was unhappy at his drinking and being ignored. I had also been getting a lot of attention from older man. This was a factor and I am culpable for that. Basically after leaving I fell apart and begged him to take me back.

It is a mess really. On surface seems OK but I don't think it is.

Any advice?

No. This is not alright at all. This is an abusive man.

No, what you're describing is never OK.

Ditch him. His behaviour isn't acceptable and you and the kids at risk, imo.

We are not at risk he is in no way violent. When I say he gets angry I mean more of a guilt trip and going on about how everyone else is doing it/having more sex.

I have contributed to all this by not drawing boundaries about what I will and will not accept more clearly.

Kids are completely fine and love their mummy and daddy. The things are describe are not constant but have happened over the course of nearly 20 yes.

But maybe I don't have perspective...

He may not be physically violent but he is certainly emotionally abusive. You do not have to accept this behaviour. It is not at all ok, in any way. And don't minimise the effect all if this will be having on your children.

Do you need him in your life?

He's certainly not a positive aspect in it!

You are receiving my first ever LTB!

I am so confused I think. I do worry about the kids of course. I think the main impact to them is that I am sometimes irritable/snappy. Though I can't see that being a single parent would change that much. On the whole they are happy healthy kids. Lots of people who love them in their lives.

I have been working up to write this post for about 2 years.

I only found out about affair recently. He told me in the spirit of a new openness after a period of us not sleeping together for months and only really communicating about the kids. We had had some serious conversations and he felt he didn't want to lie to me about it...

He is a very hands on dad. Doing most drop off pick up stuff as I work.

When we split up 8 yrs ago. There was an OM involved. Tho nothing serious but I think he thinks this justifys behavior and I guess I feel guilt even though there were many other contributory factors...

If course we have a lot of good times too. Especially times as a family are lovely.

I think the reason I phrased the post the way I did us because I am not sure I can get past these incidents...

The first paragraph is my exh. I left. Life got better even with dc still under 5. It was hell for a while but exh and I kind of get on ok now. I met someone else I cannot imagine behaving like exh. I hope that's helpful