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Relationships

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Original poster

Does your DH keep eyes closed while lovemaking/

24 replies

Jan13Blues · 06/07/2014 17:05

Hi - am in a relationship, for a couple of years. My OH, I have noticed, has his eyes closed during the whole of the time we are in bed together! It has taken me a while to notice. My mind has been on other things (enjoying new man!), but now I want to ask a bit more, and now I have noticed this, I don't feel he's 'in the room' ! while we are together intimately. I have one or two other issues with our relationship, but wondered what others' experience is with the eyes closed thing? Thank you.

OP posts:

Nomama · 06/07/2014 17:30

Ah! You didn't notice cos you had your eyes closed

Of course he is in the room, he is closing out any external stimuli and concentrating on 'feeling' you all over - to paraphrase a very cheesy song!

BitchPeas · 06/07/2014 17:31

I always have my eyes closed, I can't concentrate if I don't.

What other issues are you worried about?

HillyHolbrook · 06/07/2014 17:34

I close my eyes. It doesn't feel right to stare at him the whole time, the same way I can't kiss with my eyes open. We undress each other and have our eyes very much open then so it's not that I don't find him attractive and I'm not closing my eyes to fantasise etc.

Actually, closing my eyes helps me tune into things more. I couldn't tell you what he does with his eyes though! It's very personal. It could be something or nothing- ask him about it?

Original poster

Jan13Blues · 06/07/2014 17:35

I remember back to being a teenager, and the whole snogging with they eyes closed, as you thought this was how you were supposed to do it - that's what you see people on TV/movies do!! Now I'm older, it's important to have eye contact - it makes me feel closer and more connected. I'm not saying either way is wrong - just nicer if we can look into each others eyes - more romantic, perhaps...

OP posts:

Original poster

Jan13Blues · 06/07/2014 17:36

I am thinking of asking him about it - just thought I'd see on MN what others feel, Yes, the other issues are related to how we relate to each other! I think perhaps the 'honeymoon' period is over and I am worrying about my commitment longer term. at my age, I want to make sure it's all good before committing any more...

OP posts:

CroydonFacelift · 06/07/2014 17:43

We have some eye contact, some looking at each other's bodies and some eye closed moments.

Original poster

Jan13Blues · 06/07/2014 17:45

My fear at this point in my life is making the decision to continue the relationship, or to go single. I am scared of committing to one person, but also scared of being alone as I know I would be lonely. I don't want to reject people's advice outright, but joining a club, hobby etc just hasn't worked - and I work in a female environment, so don't meet anyone at work. He is lovely, but after 2 years, I also know his negative points!

OP posts:

scarletforya · 06/07/2014 17:47

I think so, but I do as well.

I think he's pretending I'm someone else, which is fair enough! Whereas I don't like eye contact and 'romantic lovemaking' Bleeeeuuuurrrggghhhh!

Some people don't like all that Op. To me it takes all the fun out of sex and makes it hard work with all that draining emotional intensity....

Only1scoop · 06/07/2014 17:48

I had this with a partner once and I used to hate it. Especially if I turned around and he had his eyes closed

My male colleague used to joke that he had to shut his eyes whist having sex with his wife and imagine he was with someone else

Always made me feel uncomfortable.

Original poster

Jan13Blues · 06/07/2014 17:54

So, the eyes closed thing - 50:50, I think. Some like/need to do it, some find it impersonal, and I hadn't even thought abuot the concept of not actually wanting to see your partner! (that's really sad, and I hope not how he feels...). I will speak to him about it, and not be offended if he says he does it to concentrate/get into a zone. :-) thank you. I've still got to consider the other stuff, though. What are your thoughts re this (perhaps a little bit of a mid life crisis on my part)?

OP posts:

ICanHearYou · 06/07/2014 17:54

I honestly couldn't say...

ghostisonthecanvas · 06/07/2014 17:54

Now I old and everything is blurry, I have to close my eyes or I get a headache when DH is up close DH looks lovely all soft focus though..

Only1scoop · 06/07/2014 17:57

Is everything else generally great?....

Poussay · 06/07/2014 17:58

I keep my eyes open and so does DP. However I think the closed eye thing isn't the issue here at all, you just don't sound sure about the relationship full stop. Hope you work out what you want.

LuluJakey1 · 06/07/2014 18:06

Eyes open mainly here- both of us. Lots of eye contact. Love it!

Original poster

Jan13Blues · 06/07/2014 18:08

things have been great, but we have issues with my kids, which are sorting themselves out now. this is why we've held off committing fully. we are going to commit in the foreseeable future (ie move in together). Its just sometimes I feel he takes me for granted a bit. I feel terrible saying this as he is really kind, funny, and a good person.

I sometimes think part of the problem is the fact that we are living apart - in some ways living separately brings its own problems and isn't helping with us just getting on with it and committing! sorry if this seems im a bit flaky - I'm not, its just I want to weigh things up.

I do love him, but feel sad sometimes as he doesn't say those words 'I love you'. I have asked him about this - I think he's just uncomfortable saying it, and his actions are definitely those of someone who loves me, however, as I am now focusing on things a bit, I feel a bit sad that I don't get the romantic element of being told I'm loved. I feel greedy and ungrateful saying that.

OP posts:

alphabook · 06/07/2014 18:48

I always have my eyes closed during sex, I feel more "tuned in" that way.

naicesex · 06/07/2014 20:53

Yeah sometimes closed sometimes open. But one of the hottest things is when you are cumming and he is looking at you and talking about your orgasm. HOT!

Surely his cant be closed all the time? Oral?

Original poster

Jan13Blues · 06/07/2014 22:02

Hi - yep they are closed throughout! While moving around, etc. but I have noticed not closed all the time while giving me oral (can't believe I am talking about this to anyone...!) . Probably it's just his way... :-) I'd just like more eye contact, though

OP posts:

WalkWithTheLonelyOnes · 06/07/2014 22:08

DP looks elsewhere when we're having sex. He says that if he looks at me and gets too into it he'll "go" to quickly so he sort of zones out until near the end

IrianofWay · 06/07/2014 22:10

I always close my eyes. I don't know why. It just feels odd otherwise.

naicesex · 07/07/2014 21:55

I can see your point OP and from a technical POV, surely he should be checking out your reactions every so often to check your response.

Have one of these with him and start off a no pressure convo.

holeinmyheart · 07/07/2014 23:06

Are you sure you are worrying about the eye thing or are other things about him the real worry? I have been married to the least romantic person in the world for over 40 years. However, what he is, is kind, reliable, utterly dependable, honest, and a considerate lover and a great Dad. Deeds are better than words, words are cheap, Deeds cost someone effort. He mainly keeps his eyes open about 50/50

kaykayblue · 08/07/2014 10:02

If you're having sex with this guy on the regular, and you've been together for a while now, I don't think you have anything to worry about? He probably doesn't even realise he is doing it.

If he found you that repulsive then why would you guys still be together!?!

So unless he's covering his eyes the minute you start to undress and keeps them closed throughout the entire procedure until you've got your clothes back on....then I don't think that you have a problem!

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