help, advice and hand holding needed please

[nugget05]

I don't know if this is the right place to post this to but just need some advice and handholding.
Bit of back story,
I have been staying with 1 of my sisters with my son (6 weeks old ) as my relationship ended while I was pregnant then had to move out. Babies father refused to help and because I'm only on smp 1 of my other sisters gave me a pram, car chair and Moses basket (the pram was in her loft for 2 years, chair was given to her so she only bought the Moses basket). His father has since stepped up and is trying to be involved in his life and last week set up a direct debit for him.
The problem is that I let him see the baby on Friday afternoon, after I came home the sister I'm staying with asked if he'd seen the baby (he'd been in Canada for 2 weeks) I told her he had then didn't hear back from her (she's away for the weekend). Then my other sister text and told me she gave me the stuff to help me out but if exP is gonna play happy families he needs to get pram etc and provide a roof over my head.
I'm so upset, my immediate reaction was to gather everything she gave me and stick it on the drive, get as much as I can carry and go stay at a hotel, before having the baby that's exactly what I would've done but obviously that's not really an option. I called the council and told them I'm being made homeless and that I have to be out before Monday, the woman I spoke to told me they can only put me in a hostel but if I wait until Monday when they open I can go there and see what they can do, I've managed to get my sister to let us stay tonight but I'm worried about what's gonna happen tomorrow.
How are they gonna help me? Will we be put in a hostel? I really don't want to stay at a hostel but I can't be fussy we have nowhere to go.
Sorry it's so long and a bit confusing I just don't know what to do and I have no rl support anymore

But you aren't playing happy families, you've just allowed him access. You need to explain that to your family

I have explained that and this gets said everytime I let him see the baby but it's never been like this before. Thing is if he doesn't see him they sit there and bitch and call him all the names under the sun and he's a c*t but if I let him see the baby then I'm the c*t. I don't know what they want or expect me to do. My sister will probably come home tonight and say we can stay but I can't live with the threat of being kicked out everytime I do what I think is in the best interest of my son

This has become quite complex now with emotions running high. You obviously can't stay at your sisters indefinitely even if she begrudgingly lets you, so unless you think you may get back with baby's father then I think you should seriously consider going to the council, saying you are homeless and see what they can offer. You may well have to go into a hostel for a period of time which will be very tough but eventually you will be given some sort of accommodation so you and your son can have a hope of a more secure future. I really hope things work out ok for you both eventually. Don't forget, there is always support here for you on mumsnet.

Thanks heyday . No there's no chance of us getting back together, I'm going to the council tomorrow after baby nuggets hospital appointment (he might have spina bifida ) thank god for mumsnet because life's getting a little too much right now, I feel like everyone has turned against me and all day everyday is just an uphill battle that I'm losing. I've spent the weekend torn between fits of rage and sobbing like the worlds ending.

The trouble is that you need support. You are needy. And the people who are giving you what you need are then using it to have a sly dig too.

I'd go to the hostel. Legal limit on how long you can stay there with kids but you may be expected to find your own private rent from there. And do so, there are no council houses left so find your own and then ask housing benefit to pay for it. And from there, only ever lean on those you can trust and earn your own money when you can, so that you are not needy any longer.

I'd go to the hostel. Legal limit on how long you can stay there with kids but you may be expected to find your own private rent from there. And do so, there are no council houses left so find your own and then ask housing benefit to pay for it. And from there, only ever lean on those you can trust and earn your own money when you can, so that you are not needy any longer.

Yeah, cos its just that easy isnt it? With a 6 week old baby, no baby equipment if the sister takes it back, and the baby with potential serious health issues.

Where exactly is she supposed to find the ££££ needed for deposit, furniture, first months rent etc, always assuming she can find a LL that will take HB as many wont (or arent allowed to by their mortgage lenders).

OP, sounds like your sister likes playing the rescuer and doesnt like the fact that you are not doing things her way. Get to the housing office tomorrow, explain your situation and see what they say. Then get on Freegle or Freecycle and say you need any equipment anyone would kindly offer you for a young baby so at least you are not reliant on her for that. Do the same if you are offered anywhere that needs furnishing (I am in the East Mids and have a sofa bed you can have and a load of cloth nappies and wraps you could have too if you can get use of a washing machine).

Then get on the phone to the CSA. He doesnt just get to say "no I am not paying", he doesnt have a choice. It wont be quick, if he refuses to cooperate it could take months, but you should get something eventually. In fact you could use the online calculator to see what he should pay you and offer to take a bit less in exchange for a) not involving the CSA and b) him stumping up for a cot/pram etc

I've tried finding somewhere to private rent since the end of my relationship, I have the deposit, rent in advance, admin fees etc the issue is no landlords will accept housing benefit and unfortunately on such low pay and with a baby I can't afford full rent even when I go back to work because of childcare costs, I phoned every estate agent within a 5 mile radius (not exaggerating) on Friday they all said no.
I never asked to be given anything, they were gifts and had I known they were conditional I would never have accepted them. As soon as I'm out of here everything is being given back, I won't have people use their "kindness and generosity" to control me and dictate how I raise my son

X post, I see you have the savings, but I also see I was right about many places not taking HB :(

On the upside, that money will be your "new home" fund if the council do find you somewhere, because their rent is less and I dont know if they charge deposits, they never used to. Keep the faith. Get down their tomorrow and keep going back. It may mean some time in a B&B but it will be worth it, if only for the fact that once you have a council tenancy, no one can take it off you.

ignore typos, on the stupid tab!

Thank you for posting bogeyface your name made me laugh for the first time in ages.
He's set up a direct debit so he is willing to pay for now, I just hate knowing he could put a stop to it whenever he likes. He's going with us to the hospital tomorrow so I'm going to ask him to help out with baby stuff and hope he doesn't say "I've already given you x amount blah blah blah"

No worries :)

Dont ask. Tell. Have a look on ebay for how much a pram, cot etc would cost you and then say to him...

"I appreciate that you are contributing to his day to day costs, but due to the situation with my sister WE (emphasise this) need to get the basics together. I reckon it will cost around £X for a cot, pram and car seat so that is £x each ok?"

Asking him gives him a chance to say no. Telling him that you both as parents need to pay £X for your child immediate needs doesnt leave room for a no. Thats not to say he wont argue, he probably will, but keep saying "The child support is for his housing, food, clothes etc, the big stuff needs to be bought separately, so how do you want to do it?"

Well I'm officially homeless now, stayed on a friends sofa last night and gonna check into a b&b for tonight. The council told me they need 28 days notice and to do a home visit to confirm I've been living at my sisters and that I'm homeless. I understand why but as I said to them how are you going to confirm it? I'm homeless there's no home to visit and I was only there temporarily so there's no bills or anything in my name.
They won't even put us in a hostel for a couple nights so gotta say bye to deposit money thank God for my son he's the only thing that's keeping me going