Regular mnetter here, NC so as not to out myself in RL. Will try to keep this short.
DH and I are mid 30s, together 18 yrs, married 7 with 2 dc's (2 and 5wks).
Things haven't been great for a while, total lack of affection (when I try he pulls away as quick as he can) and almost no sex life to speak of (my fault, but basically due to receiving no other affection from him at any other time).
During my 1st pregnancy he went out with our friends most weekends, leaving me at home suffering with monstrous morning sickness. 2nd pregnancy he has been much more in attendance, but something didn't feel right. A quick search of his Internet history showed he'd been looking at porn (slipped up once and forgot to use private browsing). I'm really against porn in my relationship and have always made this abundantly clear, but I acknowledge I can't rule his life or conscience. He swore it wasn't very often and was when I was away for the weekend, ie only admitted what I had found. A search of the laptop found 2 porn films stored in a secret folder and were last viewed a couple of months ago when I was in the house. They've been there since 2009! Apparently he lied so that I wouldn't have a go at him!
I then discovered he had started smoking again, resulting in a number of lies along the lines of "it was just the one" "I haven't bought any more" etc. sadly for him I'm not an idiot and find out these are all lies when I find receipts/packets of cigarettes. On one occasion I was a "poisonous bitch" for looking for proof of his lies. He says he's lying to protect me as an ex smoker myself, but this just pisses me off more!
He used to be my best friend but for years he's spent so much time playing computer games and on the Internet, that I supposed I've just cut off from him. again I accept some responsibility for this but really when you have the same arguments over and over and nothing changes you eventually give up trying.
When confronted on the lack of affection, porn, smoking and lying he apologises, but nothing ever changes, but I'm supposed to be making an effort to let him back in!
Today I found another pack of cigarettes (he stank when I walked past him) and we've had the same old row again and then he ignored me for an hour to play football on my phone! Now I'm in the bad books for being moody with him.
Where do I go from here?
In all other respects he's a great man, does his fair share of housework (more so recently because of pregnancy), is a wonderful father, but I don't trust him because of his lies (he still thinks its better to lie than face a confrontation) and I'm losing patience.
I should say I work ft and am financially independent.