Not sure anyone can help?

[1Cheesedoff]

Where to start? Husband a stone waller, buries head in sand if ever confronted with a problem. If I ever need to talk I am being confrontational. Get the idea. Was ready to leave earlier this year after a long period of the silent treatment but after seeking advice from a solicitor he told me he thought he was depressed so I decided to stay and help him and work things out. He has now had a diagnosis from doctor which he is in total denial of. If he takes the medication prescribed it is reversible if not he is putting his life in danger. He point blank refuses to go to any clinic appointments or take medication. I'm very frustrated and angry that he is not thinking of his family. He is very angry at me because I told the doctor of his decision.

No one can help him if he doesn't want to be helped. I think it's time for you to start thinking about what steps you want to take for you and your children, as you can't live like this forever.

You are so right. I'm ill in bed at moment and when I told him that he Is making me ill he burst out laughing and said " I knew I would get the blame. Bast..d!

Agree with the PP. He's stubborn & lazy. You seeing a solicitor clearly spurred him on to getting a diagnosis but, because he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him whatsoever, he is back-pedalling like crazy. So make plans for a life without him in it and really follow through. I'm assuming you still want to be a family (?) so it has to be made crystal clear that if he wants to be part of that family then he has to shift his backside. There's only so much you can do when someone doesn't want to be helped.

Your life is passing by.

Go and see a different solicitor and start making plans to leave. You and your DC derserve better than this.

Well it looks like he hasn't chosen his family. Call his bluff and ask him to pack his bags.

I think I haven't explained very well. He self diagnosed depression. The meds are for something else. He has had a mini stroke...... cholesterol through the roof, high likelihood of full blown stroke within a year.

But if he has no interest in taking care of himself and getting medical care, and will not go as you've asked him, then the next step is simply taking care of yourself and your dcs and doing what's best for them. If that means him leaving, then that's what it means.

Do you want to be wiping his bum for him this time next year? Because a stroke is a foul illness and it can be incapacitating. It can also change personality, lead to mood swings - it is awful.

With your relationship as it has been/is, are you willing to sign up for the role of carer?

Father had a really major stroke and was seriously at death's door, but he made a full recovery. However that was partly because he co-operated completely with the medical side and really put his heart and soul into his recovery. It wasn't easy, though.

OK so what you've got is someone who is uncommunicative and miserable. but is not (officially) depressed. On top of that they are refusing to take responsibility for their health but would presumably expect you to look after them if they fell ill - even though when you are unwell there is no sympathy. It seems consistent that he would stick his head in the sand about his own mortality along with everything else. I'm failing to see what he brings to the party.

My friend ended up in this situation, as she was planning to divorce and leave a miserable marriage, he had a stroke. She is now his carer and it is very hard for her to leave. It is an awful situation for her (and him no doubt but he really wasn't a nice man and hasn't become one either!)

Am in a similar position. Only now trying to discuss a potential leak in the bath room leaving our landing carpet damp he says i am moaning and his view is right. I am trying to hope he will change and be more relaxed as he gets older but in the end its just pure selfisness on their part and i dont think people like this in the end are cut out for relationships.

Thank you all for your support. Helps to have someone else's take on the matter.
Wonderpants -your poor friend bless her.

Roundandround - I have come to the point where I don't walk on egg shells and say exactly what I think which does not go down very well. I thought i had a breakthrough last night but back to the same old SH.T today. Just walking round not making conversation, tension. Very hard to leave but very bloody hard to stay too. I think something will make me decide and I will only go once and then there will be no going back. What would we do without friends.

He gave me a gob full a couple of weeks ago which I find very hard to forgive. When I asked for an apology he told me he was only doing what i had asked him to do. As I told him I would rather him scream and shout rather than give me the silent treatment. (Am I flogging a dead horse)?

Yes you are.

Stop wasting your life.

Get away from him as fast as you can. As the others said, you could end up being a carer to this horrible man.

Get out.