practical advice for leaving a partner after domestic violence (non reported)

[Koleana]

OK i have been lurking for a while trying to make up my mind to leave my partner, I can no longer tolerate his behaviour and he isn't willing to get help for his OCD which causes the rages and violence.
so long story short I need to leave, I do not wish to make me and my daughter homeless. she is 2.5 years old about to start nursery in September.
what I need is some help on how to go about getting my own place to live however I have no capital at all. I live in Liverpool UK if that will get me targeted advice. who can I call or go and see ? and how long could it take to get some help I want to be gone within a month preferably.
what kind of things will I definitely need ? passports, birth cert what else is essential ?
and lastly I need to know how to run a home? I have never been alone before ( and we currently live with his parents ) how do I go about paying rent, setting up with water and electric, internet ect? if I call someone to help get me out can they help with all this too ? I probably wont be able to keep my job, there will be childcare issues and my employer is my partner's cousin so what could I claim to help us along until things settle ?
thanks for reading this I know it probably seems cold but I have cried so much lately and have now just come to terms with having to leave I feel very numb. Also is it best to keep all this very quiet until I can just go as I feel like I am going to be in danger if tell anyone here.
thanks in advance for any and all help

Call Women's Aid,

free 24 hour phone number - 0808 2000 247

www.womensaid.org.uk/

I really feel for you

Keep us updated, we're here for you x

Yes, definitely get advice from an expert first as it can be tricky if you don't plan properly. Good luck

Yes, women's aid. Definitely. They are very helpful.

Definitely contact Womens Aid and also consider talking to the police DV unit - non emergency number 101 - and asking their advice. You say that the violence is unreported at present and it may help you long-term to have it on record.

Thank you for the help ! Women's aid have been very helpful so far. Not sure if I can even report to the police, would they even be interested in stuff that happened a while ago?
I have been advised to keep quiet until I have things sorted out. I can't believe I could be getting out of here soon, I'm frightened of everything might happen.
Sorry it took me ages to post again trying to find time when my (ex) partner isn't around. One last question is there any chance he would get custody of our daughter as I work out of the home and he is self employed but barely leaves the house? I couldn't stand that. I'd rather stay than lose her.

I think if you report the DV, you are able to get Legal Aid? I am not sure about this, so hopefully someone else will advise.

The other point about reporting the DV is that it is on record and the police will have your phone numbers and be aware when you do leave. This means they will be able to respond quickly if you are ever in any danger when you leave or afterwards. You can have it on record without pressing charges, if you are worried about things kicking off before you get out (understandably!)

Finally, I think you can usually see a solicitor for a free half hour, who will advise on residency. It is very , very unlikely he will get sole residency, especially if there has been DV, but courts and family lawyers will view it as in dc interests to maintain a relationship with both parents, whatever that looks like. When you split up, you can have no idea what kind of separated parent your partner will be, you need to deal with it at that point. You do know, however, that staying is damaging you, and will ultimately damage your dc.

Good luck to you.

Who told you that his OCD 'causes' his rages and violence? It doesn't. He causes his violence.
You can flee to a refuge and they will help you with all of it. Call the national DV helpline and they will help you. Good luck.

WA wil help you with moving out (today if necessary) and things like renting, benefits, custody, legalities.

Good luck - and well done for choosing not to live like this

Womens Aid will help you. I left too. it is better to plant. take all legal docs birth, marruage,passport, child benefit number, bank books.... as much cash as you can, it takes few weeks for benefits to come through. Ideally a bag of clothes/toys. Domestic violence is regardedvas harmful to children, you can apply fir an order for your child to stay with you. Womens Aid will point you in the right direction. Do not stay. It will only get worse.

Sorry if the comment about his OCD offended anyone I was just repeating what he has said to me. Just trying desperately to carry on as normal on the surface while try to sort things out. I feel a bit like I am cracking up, my partner has been so nice over the weekend maybe it will get better I don't really know what to think.
This is so hard all I wanted was a loving family, it's all I've ever really wanted. Thanks again for just being there all of you and believing me I never thought anyone would.

I would also get it on record with your gp and hv. Your gp should beable to help you access councelling, this will give you a safe environment in which to explore and talk about your feelings whilst you set your plan into motion. You may need to have a paper trail documenting what is going on. When you do leave do not engage at all with this man, no texting, no phone calls. Block him. All communication should be done via email, that way it can become a legal document.

In the mean while collect up any important documents (and photograph them, email to self) such as passports, bank statements (copies of his), any investment documents. Any proof of his abuse, so any texts he sends to you that are nasty or that are 'apologetic' for his behaviour (admission in his own words), screen shot and email to yourself. I may be wise to set up a separate email addy to store such things. Make sure that documents are safe, so give copies of them to your solicitor when you have one and ask a trusted family member of friend to hold them for you.

Good luck and stay safe

I wasn't offended, I just challenged the assertion that OCD makes him abusive. That's clearly something he has told you as a means to excuse and justify his abuse, and avoid taking responsibility. Don't start doing that yourself.

Agree with Ehric - OCD doesn't cause violence. Frustration, yes, and twitchy, irritated behaviour, maybe, but the violence is all his.

Do you think he has maybe caught a whiff of your plans? They sometimes put on a play of being wonderful, lovely people if they consider that you might be slipping away. it won't last, if you stay, hoping that the lovely man you knew is back.