Finding it hard to stay in the family house

[RollerCola]

My exh and I separated last summer. In order to keep some normality for the children (12 & 7) we decided that I would remain in the family home with them and he would move to an apartment. They stay with him once or twice a week overnight and go round for tea etc. All fine.

The bit I didn't anticipate was how difficult I'm finding it staying in 'our' house. I managed to buy exh's share so the house is all mine now which is great as it gives security to both me & the kids.

But I'm still finding it quite hard being here with all the things we bought together. We were together for 23 years so there's a lifetime of things here that we originally chose and bought together. I don't like it and I wish I could move and start afresh.

I won't for the kids sakes, plus the house and garden are lovely and it'd be a shame to throw it away. But how can I get over this? I even feel guilty keeping 'our' bed. I want to get rid of it and buy a new one.

I've made a start by decorating to make it look a bit different, but money's quite tight so I can't afford to do much.

I have a vague plan that when the kids leave school it might be a good time to move, but that's still a good 6-8 yrs away. Any advice?

Re-decorating was a good start. I think it's natural for it to change from being 'ours' to 'mine' in your head. Rearranging furniture might be another good step - and is it possible to swap bedrooms with your kids so that you have a new 'my' bedroom.

I understand about the bed. At least buy yourself some all new bedding when you can so it looks different.

Decorating sounds like a plan, as does changing smaller items. Any chance of upping your income in anyway to pay for more extensive redecorating? Could you sell some furniture and put that towards cost of new? Would xh take any of it off your hands? Sorry if I'm bombarding you!

Definitely redecorate. It doesn't need to cost much. And perhaps look into decoy paging furniture....either what you have or buy some other stuff. I would really change the entire style of the house.....perhaps vintage/shabby chic? Pinterest is fab for ideas xx

Thanks for the ideas, I've enjoyed a bit of wallpapering (something exh would never let us have) and it's brilliant being able to choose colours etc just how I like them.

I've decorated both kids bedrooms which is nice for them, but in hindsight I should have started with rooms that I use more rather than theirs.

The kitchen has been painted & looks much lighter & 'me' but I haven't yet changed anything in the living room or my bedroom. These need to be done next as they're where I spend most time.

I'd really like a new sofa, does anyone know of any good deals?

i am the same as you still got quite a few things here that were our things and cant afford to replace but have done same as you redecorated some rooms and it does make a difference, if finances are tight have a look at local auction houses for sofas there are some real bargains to be had i got a leather suite in perfect condition for £100 and £12 delivery

Try Freegle in your area I've seen some nice looking second hand sofas on there which might be enough to keep you going till you can afford new.

I redecorated the entry and hallway first, as that's what I see every time I come into the house. Makes it seem like a new house to me. Living room is almost done now, and that is a room I spend loads of time in. Kitchen is next, and then my bedroom, which will include a brand new bed.

It does make a huge difference. Even small things like fresh flowers on the table, or a new picture on the wall... they make a huge difference.