NC for this. Its taken me 3 years to get my confidence back after changing my job. I had worked my way up to be a senior manager (gained a professional qualification etc). I worked really hard and enjoyed the job (although at times struggled with politics and egos). I inherited a team member as my team expanded. On day one she said she did not want to work with me as she had been told by her ex manager I was inflexible (backstory, said manager I later found out had been promised the role that I got but I was not aware of this at the time). I said well we have to work together so lets make the best of it and regarding flexibility (childcare issues) please talk to me and we will try and work around things.
Over time a number of things occurred that now leave me questioning WTF regarding this team member who I will call Jane.
Jane would frequently tell me I was not a people person, I should make more of an effort with my appearance.
Jane organised a team building day facilitated by her ex manager for the team and excluded me. I was called in at the end and told that they had profiled me and I was x type of team member. I was also presented with a list of things that I needed to change (eg I had a pair of shoes in one of my cupboards and this was deemed "unprofessional".
Jane told me Sarah (another team member) was unhappy with her job title as it implied that Jane was senior to her. When asked Sarah said she was not concerned.
Jane told me regularly that she had more experience than me, had earned more than she did now and didn't need her job. My response was that her previous job had been in London and she now had the flexibility to leave every day to pick up her children so it was swings and roundabouts.
Jane complained that she didn't get exposure to new areas of work, so I organised this for her - she then said she couldn't do it because of childcare.
She wanted to apply for a bigger role, I encouraged her to go for it. She then discovered (after an informal chat with the recruiter) that it would involve some evening work. She came back and cried saying I had made her feel worthless because she couldn't do it because of childcare (I did not know it involved evenings).
Jane told me Sarah was upset and scared of me, and this was going to ruin her holiday and she was considering not going (her bf was going to propose on this hol and we knew - Sarah didn't). Jane said her husband was furious with me as I was a bully and he wanted to come in and have it out with me.
Jane told me she thought it was great that I was happy with the way I looked considering my size, her husband had a phobia of fat women. Also that it must be like sleeping with your dad (my dh is 18 years older than me).
I asked a specialist for advice on an area I had not worked on before, showing them what I thought I should do. They corrected a couple of points, Jane remarked I told you I was right, yep said that etc etc.
Finally Jane decided I was depressed (I was not, I was pissed off) so brough the Occ Health Nurse to talk me into seeing a Dr (the nurse was her friend). Jane told me "people" were concerned about me. But when asked would not/could not say who these people were. I was put under subtle pressure by Jane and the Nurse to seek MH help. I was not fucking depressed!!!!
Appreciate any MN's perspective on this.