What's normal when your dp is out with the lads?

[Thatslife72]

My dp who I don't live with likes to go out with the lads sometimes which is normal, I like going out with the girls. They are all in their 40's and quite often end up in a club, we have a good relationship and I do trust him, I'm pretty certain he isn't the type to go off with another woman (even though some of his mates have) but I'm beginning to realise what goes on at these nights out, my dp does dance with other women chats to them knows their names some of them but never takes it any further than that. I know being in a club it's all part of it I suppose, and I can't control what he does but I suddenly feel a bit insecure with it all I'm not sure I really like it especially as he gets invited to things that then involves him going clubbing. Just want to know what people think, how would you feel or is it me just being insecure?

I wouldn't be happy if DH was dancing with other women. But then he's not into clubbing - he's more a pub goer. I think his friends sound less than delightful. Do they all think they're 15?

No I don't like some of his friends tbh! I'm not sure what to do I can't help not liking it but I can't stop him going out but it's getting to me. It is otherwise a good relationship

What Appletini said! If I'm honest, I think the idea of men in their forties going clubbing and dancing with girls in their late teens and twenties a bit mid-life-crisis-eque! Also, dancing with and getting the names of women, is not all part of being in a club. Is he going there to have fun with his mates, to dance and enjoy music, or pick up women? You can just do the first 2 out of 3 of those quite easily. No one is forcing him to effectively chat up girls.

These mates of his that 'go off with other women'- are they in relationships? You can tell a lot about your DP by the company he choses to keep. No wonder you don't like them much.

My Dh was out last night. I would say he ended up in a club. But that is to get late drinks. Not to dance with other women & get their names.

When my dh goes out with the lads they to a real ale pub and sit and talk about football and work and beer. Sometimes they have a curry. Then they come home.

Oh sometimes they do pub quid quiz and one of the real ale pubs does curryoke!

I think it's ok for him to do that. What are you going to do ask him to stand at the bar! He sounds fun. Life is for living. He's with you. I don't think you should try starting to change who he is.

I think that sort of nightlife regularly is a bit puerile in a guy that age but I wouldn't lay down the law (not that I would have a right to) I'd probably just go off him tbh.

I have been to a festival this week and talked to men and got their names. I was with a group of women and we all chatted together. We didn't dance together though. I don't think it is an issue per se but it bothers you so discuss it calmly-not just before he goes out.

Wouldn't bother me if DH talked to other women or danced with them on a night out with his mates.

I always imagine it the other way around. How would he take it if you were going out to clubs and dancing with men and chatting them up?
I can only imagine he wouldn't be happy!

I don't know why women (and some men) make excuses for this sort of behaviour. I don't think you can innocently dance with someone in a club, his hands are most likely allover these women. He definitely fancies them to be dancing with them.

My DH and his mates are more curry and pub types than clubbing - he says he's too old for all that now - at 33!

I'd not try to police his activities, if we weren't even living together, but as Ehric said I would probably go off him because it's a bit immature. If someone I lived with was doing it they'd be out on their arse, it's disrespectful.

HeyBungalowBill - You don't have to imagine it the other way around. I've seen one or two similar threads but the man usually gets called possessive, unreasonable and full of red flags.

Well we're talking about living together, and it's funny as that's how all this came out. I went to a club recently a friends birthday, first time I've been for a long time. He was quite insecure about me going really but I thought well u do it. Anyway there were men there trying to dance with us chat us up buy us drinks, we didn't accept and were just interested in our own little group but I was amazed how much attention I got at 41, I did mention it to dp as I was a bit shocked I said is that what u guys do when your out ' no I don't think so ' he said then he mentioned he did talk to women but can't remember their names now and how he's danced with them on the dance floor having a laugh but didn't buy them a drink when they asked for one. It is a bit like that in clubs though a few drinks and your dancing away ! One thing he did say when I said about guys trying to chat me up was don't take this the wrong way but was there a lack of women ? How horrid, but I can't help thinking he was a bit jealous and he was insecure before I went as he knows they do it. I will discuss it with him and if it does happen regularly I will just go off him and look for someone more mature I think. Shame though as every other way he is a good bf and I do actually trust him more than most of my exs always something isn't there !!!

A bunch of married forty year old men regularly going to night clubs is pretty pathetic.

I wouldn't have a problem with my partner talking to people whilst out with friends (why would anyone have a problem with that??), providing it wasn't like, a deep three hour conversation on the sofas somewhere secluded if you get what I mean...

Dancing with women he doesn't know/just met - absolutely not.

He was probably nervous about you going because you would see what a fucking meat market it was, and realise what he and his friends have been getting up to. Not saying that he's been cheating on you or anything, but more along the lines of disrespectful behaviour "see we are still young hot bachelors that women are interested in" type stuff.

It all seems a bit macho bollocks.

I can't believe he asked if their was a lack of women! Hopefully he's a bit of a joker. I think yous are both a tad insecure if you don't want each other to chat to others or have a dance here and there. Jealousy is a really poison emotion.

I'm 39 and the idea of clubbing fills me with utter terror! My peer group and I when we have a 'lads' night out tend to opt for the pub with the nice ales that is close to the curry house. On the exceptionally rare occasions when a group of girls start talking to us we just find it hilarious that any of them would find a bunch of married, greying, receding haired, slightly out of shape bunch of engineers clutching pints of bitter either interesting or attractive. I do find the idea of 40something guys vicariously trying to stay in touch with their youth through clubbing with 20 year olds a bit tragic to be honest.

absolutely not my thing, but in general i say each to their own.

Hooooooowever, i would feel uncomfortable with my OH doing this as i think most people accept that this sort of place and activity are very closely linked to meeting people for romantic reasons. So even though your DP may have the best of intentions i view it as a 'high risk' activity, where he could very well meet someone looking for a relationship who he clicks with or even just someone who offers him a quick no strings BJ!!

Ask yourself would he still go if there were no women there?

What do you do when you go out with the girls, OP?

I tend to go to a restaurant or just a pub for a few drinks and a chat! Very occaisionally a club, or I meet someone for lunch or shopping !

I did discuss with dp he did say they mainly went to these places because it was more drinking time, he said when he danced with other women it was just they're dancing with his group they're dancing with their group and they might join in and then they they just walk away continue with their drinking , he may talk to a female at a bar but not for more than 5 minutes or something, just having a laugh. it's not that often I suppose it's been about 4 times this year in a club,one overnight stay! Maybe I am insecure , I think he is too tbh, but what can I do I can't control him, or give him a list of rules when he goes out that's ridiculous but I can't help not being happy with it, I just wanted to see what other peoples thoughts were and it seems a but of a mixture. I'm fine when he meets the lads for a drink after work or when they all meet to watch the football etc etc. he could just as easily meet someone then I suppose but it doesn't really enter my head. I think it's just the general environment I don't like . I didn't like it when a bunch of them were going to go to Ibiza for a weekend either, but that fortunately didn't happen. On the plus side he is great fun for me to be with because he still likes going out I do too, he takes me abroad for weekends away and we have a good social life together so I should really be able to be happy for him to do this sort of thing now and again, but I guess you can't help the way you feel!