Well meaning SIL?

[CookieDoughKid]

Just received an email from SIL out of the blue asking after me and if I want to meet up. She's 7months pregnant. I've not seen her for over two years. It was me, not her. I cut off contact to save my sanity. I emailed her a 'take care/bye' letter explaining why I've not kept in contact - that I didn't think it would do either of us any good. She's actually a lovely person and well intentioned.

It's me - not her.

I can't meet up with her again and keep the facade that everything is ok and forgotten now. I'm strong again and I am ok but I've not forgotten. I really want to write to her and ask her why she is bothering because:
-As the family she married into cut me off.
-That her dh has never EVER once contacted me or asked after my children. -That if I EVER saw her DH - I'd go right up to his fucking face and ask why he's not bothered to ring and see his nephew and nieces?
-That I had a huge row with our MIL's sister because she felt it was 'none of my business'.
-That I was threatened and bullied repeatedly into keeping things 'schtum' for keeping appearances,
-That I went against the entire family FOR HER, for my dear SIL that her child was at risk because her dMIL and DFIL and everyone else thought it was in HER best interest not to know.

• That OUR BIL (her dh's ''dear'' brother) is a suspected peodophile. That I did NO fucking wrong because it was MY fucking child the ''dear'' brother was ''playing'' with.

-That her fucking dh - what WOULD you want to tell me about your fucking peodo brother? That you never rung up to ask how MY child was?

Like, I want to tell her all the above and ask her - after ALL THAT - you want to keep in contact with me to achieve WHAT? That you dSIL feel guilty? Yes, we could have a lovely afternoon tea and talk about the weather but it's all bullshit isn't?

Like the last afternoon tea we had.

.

You have told her and the rest of the family why you are not in contact, you have stated the case. it's up to her to decide what she does.

I dare say she may be in contact again when she has given birth, or a while afterwards. what happens in her life is really up to her, she at least has the facts or even the smoke from the fire, what she does with that information is her decision.

I just hope that she never leaves the child alone with this abuser.

Quitelikely et al, thank you for your responses. It has helped to seek support here but its ongoing self-therapy for me I think (I need rather).

SIL never did reply. Oh no. However, I have JUST received an invitation through the door inviting us to celebrate their wedding anniversary. With all their family and this perpetrator presumably invited too.

WTF?!! Is my SIL on an entirely different planet or WOT? After all I said on email (and I KNOW she read it), saying explicitly I would take kill that elephant in the room with any of that bletchedly family - I would have no hesitation in making a scene to get an answer and accountability - even at a god damn wedding anniversary party. Like don't their guests with their children KNOW who is in the same room as them? [Someone please pass me the mic.]

I have not responded and binned the card immediately. I've not even told dh as I think it will upset him.

FFS - Why won't she just go away?!!

rant over

BTW - I'm not for criminalising or victimising peodophiles. It's not my style and in my case, the criminal justice system served their purpose and did their job.

HOWEVER, I'm FOR people having the knowledge. If you were sat at a wedding table with your dcs and the person next to you was twice arrested - once, for indecent exposure to a 3 old, and twice arrested for the existence of hundreds of images of child pornography and web page visits AND was involved in online peodophile chats that the police were actively monitoring him on.

I mean - wouldn't you WANT to know? And what would you do if your dc was sat next to him? You'd damn well be a lot more alert wouldn't you?

I'm tired of this bullshit and I need to be free of this.

Wow. She really does live in a world of her own manufacture doesn't she?

Just ignore, leave them to it, don't reply again and stay NC.

As you suggested, there is no 'cure' for BIL, he'll always find babies and toddlers a turn on

She is choosing the la-la-la approach. I just pray that she doesn't come to regret it.