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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finally dumped a guy I don't think was very good..

22 replies

greenbottlepurplefork · 04/07/2014 10:36

I had been dating a guy I met only a few months ago who I had written a fair bit about on here under various different usernames.

It was very much a whirlwind and he was very full on from the outset, telling me he loved me and I was his soul mate within a few days. I knew this was a red flag in itself but decided to carry on getting to know him to see if he was genuine or whatever.

I posted about how he had asked me to help him tidy his house and go out and meet his friends the evening after I had had a big sporting event and that when I told him I was shattered he got very huffy with me. EVERYONE on here told me to dump him, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had some great times together but he never really respected my boundaries, he started leaving his things at my house very early on which I wasn't comfortable with, starting referring to my DD who he didn't know as his stepdaughter, was obsessed with getting me pregnant and then when there was a chance that I could be after an accident screamed how he didn't want a "fucking kid right now" (thank god I'm not pregnant). He would take me out to things, pay for them, refuse money but later ask for money towards it.

Anyway, after him getting huffy because I needed to spend this weekend working towards an essay for my degree and he wanted me to spend the weekend with him, I finally dumped him. I feel such relief! I feel empowered again and it has taught me which signs to look out for next time. I was really starting to lose my self esteem going out with him because I knew something didn't feel right.

Anyway, I'm just writing it out so to speak. And thanks mnetters for your advice. Sometimes the "LTB" takes a while to sink in but you've definitely helped me make the right decision.

OP posts:
Lweji · 04/07/2014 11:31

I remember your thread(s).

Good for you. :)

And wishing you a happy life without twats. :)

rosepetalsoup · 04/07/2014 11:34

Oh yes I remember this. Congratulations OP!

Walkacrossthesand · 04/07/2014 11:44

Another well done from one who remembers! Smile I hope he now leaves you alone....

Edieandkoala · 04/07/2014 12:33

How did he take being dumped?

Well done by the way.

TheJiminyConjecture · 04/07/2014 13:06

I remember you also. Well done for getting shot of him! You must be feeling great about the fact you have reestablished your boundaries.

kentishgirl · 04/07/2014 13:10

Good for you. He wanted to consume your whole life!

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 04/07/2014 13:22

Grin Well done. Imho, hanging around monitoring the red flags flying fully unfurled can still expose one to the potential damage from this kind of insidious emotional abuse, even if you can see it for what it is in the moment.

Good luck and enjoy the freedom to focus entirely on your studies without some jerk running a sabotage campaign against you.

Quitelikely · 04/07/2014 13:27

God he sounds like hard work and a spoilt brat too.

You have had a lucky escape if you ask me. Please don't jump back onto the merry go round - it will only keep going to the same place!

Avoid avoid avoid!

FabULouse · 04/07/2014 13:33

This reply has been deleted

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tallwivglasses · 04/07/2014 14:10

Good. Glad to hear it. Onwards and upwards!

Guiltypleasures001 · 04/07/2014 14:45

Hey op I remember you as well , great to hear your doing ok and kicked him to the kerb what a wally.

WebbedPuddles · 04/07/2014 15:52

Well done OP. Just think of the life you and your daughter would have had if you hadn't made this decision.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 04/07/2014 16:08

Thank fuck for that.
Take a lesson from this please!

Hissy · 04/07/2014 22:02

You know we never say "told ya so"...

But, see? :)

Well done!

Hesaysshewaffles · 04/07/2014 22:30

Some times it takes one thing for a moment of euphoria. Well done you GrinGrin

Darkesteyes · 04/07/2014 22:47

Well done you Wine

Gogglepox · 04/07/2014 23:38

Well done!

wyrdyBird · 05/07/2014 00:03

I remember. He really was trouble. I see you even got the 'we're soul mates' speech. Where do they learn this stuff...

Well done to you, OP! Flowers

lettertoherms · 05/07/2014 00:12

Good job!

Do not go back. Do not even engage with him. Tell him not to contact you and ignore him from that point. Whether he's awful or comes on all lovely and apologizing and promising to change. He won't. It will only get worse. Don't talk on the phone, so anything he says would be evidenced in a text, and if he says anything remotely threatening toward you or himself, report him.

Maleducada · 05/07/2014 00:14

yes, nothing sends a louder message than silence. If you start justifying your decision you get reeled back in to the vortex of madness

botanicbaby · 05/07/2014 01:11

Don't remember your previous threads OP but just want to add another well done' to you!

the bit about him referring to your DD who he didn't really know as his stepdaughter stood out to me the most. not a nice man at all, you are well rid.

thank god for mumsnet, eh?! good luck for the future and hope you complete your essay ok Grin

Frogisatwat · 05/07/2014 07:22

I remember! Well done x

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