can I have hand hold today pls or am I just pathetic

[confusedNC]

I have another thread but I just want to deal with today.

Dh is leaving for holiday abroad with his mother. I was away last weekend and think he maybe cheated then. He hasn't even looked at me since.

I just feel sick. It feels like he's leaving me. In spite of all the shit he's put me through I can't let go. I still look at him and want none of this to be real.

I will ring wa when he's gone and get cab advice maybe, but I'm trying to hold it together. I need time to prepare for job interview (hopefully) but I can't concentrate. Need to put on happy face for our ds.

He comes back after work for an hour then leaves. I'll have to be strong and put ds to bed without being upset.

I know this probably sounds pathetic. I just feel so so sick. Can't make sense of it.

I always think that stressful times are easier to cope with if you have a plan of action and can focus on that. Ringing WA and CAB plus preparing for a job interview sounds like a plan. You may feel you have to put on a brave face for your DS but do you have someone you could call once your husband has left? A friend or family member perhaps? It doesn't sound like you want to tackle your husband directly - are you frightened of him?

You're right. Yes I'll feel better for doing something. I'm calling friend after he goes.

I have gone round in circles so long. I've just been treading water waiting for job stuff to resolve. Hoping that will be soon.

I still don't know if should be speaking to relate. This is where I get stuck. I feel guilty that I've been the stumbling block to going. But then he's always said about going in anger. Like I need fixing. That's why I didn't tell him I've been to gp.

Am I scared of him? Good question. Twice I've been properly scared though both a while ago. I choose not to mention certain things because I fear a row. Maybe that's not same thing. Like the gas/electric bills. In past I've been scared to tell him they're in. He is nasty and I end up having to pay them out of savings anyway. Once my mum gave me money.:(

I think I read your other thread. I think getting involved in a plan of action when you are feeling up to it would be beneficial.

He's gone :( feel numb. Didn't cry. He was very weird. Said bye little one and quick kiss to our ds, then looked at me for first time in days and said bye myname, I said take care. He asked if had any plans this week but then didnt wait fir any answer. Just closed the door and drove off like a madman.

It won't feel like it yet, but you are better off without him. Give yourself time.
Anything you can do this evening, to take your mind off it.

I don't know the back story to this but I hope you have some rl support.

Ringing WA and getting advice from a solicitor or the Citizens' Advice is a good start.

Is he definitely away with MIL? If he is a self-centred selfish individual then it might be in character to start an affair with someone else. But if you want to finish this relationship you don't need proof. You don't have to wait for the axe to fall. If he is inclined to shout you down or minimise or blank you there'd be little point in arranging counselling.

Put the time he's away to good use. Spend the weekend being kind to yourself and DS. Sometimes when things have been bad so long, the thing we most dread actually comes as a relief when it happens.

If you feel panicky try and think of practical things. Eg have you looked into whether you qualify for housing benefit and other benefits.

Being unloved by your H is woeful but remember, it is not that you are unlovable. You deserve warmth and respect as much as the next person.

Yes def away with mil. Not sure what he did when I was away last weekend though.

I'm so tired. In bed now. Feel relieved I have bit of time to try and get help.

Thank you for being kind. It has helped.